How not to fear death? It's easier than it seems. Tricks for overcoming fear according to the funeral guide
Fear of death can be alleviated
Do you want to know how to face death? It's easier than you think: Just accept it. Give her a kiss of acceptance. That's our secret trick. All that anxiety and that stupid feeling of not being in control? Most of the fear of death goes away once you understand and accept that it's simply part of the package called Life.
Our Oleg Vojtíšek wrote an article for Vlasta, where he talks in a popular and simple way about this:
1. Talk about death
2. The funeral is your last big project
3. Do you want peace? Talk to the pros!
4. Leave a message
5. Annual warranty inspection
6. Live the day as if it were your last
7. The death of a loved one can be rehearsed
Then read it. Maybe it will inspire you.
Distractions in the forest and at sea. Forbes podcast, Oleg Vojtíšek with Julia Mahler
Oleg Vojtíšek records a podcast with Julia Mahlerová in Forbes
"If we don't do the funeral, the deceased will come to haunt us," it used to be said.
You don't believe in ghosts? You don't have to. The deceased can "haunt" our own souls. That we'll think, "I should have told him, it's too late now." That we'll never truly say goodbye, and we'll be left with an unfinished chapter, a gaping wound that no one sewed up.
That's what funerals are for. They are to help us bridge the period of life with the deceased who is suddenly not here.
But that death needs to be given some love. And as our Oleg Vojtisek discussed with Julia Mahler from Forbes in the podcast How to be better.
So go listen to it and make yourself feel better too :)
Where to look for hope? Former Evangelical pastor Jaroslav Pechar and Oleg Vojtíšek
Former Evangelical pastor Jaroslav Pechar and Oleg Vojtíšek
"At our mother's funeral, the vicar preached about a whore."
Or, not only about whether humour belongs in funeral sermons, we talked with Jaroslav Pechar, a former evangelical minister and pastor.
Is the funeral for the deceased or for the survivors? Should we do it the way the deceased would have liked? Or should we do it in a way that helps the bereaved? Or should it be more about God and the hope of eternal life?
Many of us imagine that when a eulogy "makes even men cry," it is a display of the highest possible admiration. But... what if he lightened you up? What if it made you feel better, what if it absolved you of guilt, or made you happy? Is the purpose of a funeral to fold and weep at death, or to celebrate life? What does Father Pechar say? (Spoiler: at his funerals, people tell stories, play guitar, and carry on long after the service!)
"Death is an enemy that wins battles but never wins the war."
Where to find hope when I'm dying? And if I'm not a believer?
What is after death, Father Pechar cannot answer, and no church can answer, but he knows what is not there: there is no darkness and emptiness because a hand is extended. That is the greatest hope the Church offers after death.
And just as the hand of the deceased is given by God according to the Church, the hand of the bereaved is given by parish priests like Father Pechar. And not with holy water or a magic wand. But with words and stories. And sometimes with the phone on at 1:00 in the morning.
So listen to his stories and jokes in our podcast on Spotify.
"In heaven we will wonder three things: who is there, who is not there, and how the hell we got there."
What to do to make quality palliative care the standard, not a fluke? Jiří Krejčí from Pallia.
Jiří Krejčí, founder of the Pallium Institute
"Let's change the reality for people who have a serious illness and who are grieving; to make it more bearable for them" - this is the vision of Jiří Krejčí from Palio.
Ten years ago, almost no one was involved in palliative care in this country. And in another ten years, we may have a system that actually cares about and responds to the needs of the dying.
And it is thanks to Pallium: an organisation that helps palliative care professionals. He wants to change it for the better. To make quality palliative care the standard, not the luck of the draw.
But how to do it?
In hospital palliative care teams, for example, there is no one who is purely dedicated to the bereaved: everyone tries to do this in some way, but it is beyond their own specialisation and usually beyond their time allocation.
Police interventionists are not allowed to recommend paid help - bereavement counsellors, therapists and the like. Many people don't even know there is help for them.
One solution is to find a way to pay for bereavement assistance with state money. Another is to involve lay people to form self-help groups for the bereaved.
How can mourners help others?
Do people even know what they can ask for when they die?
And can we really help palliative care patients and their survivors?
This episode of our podcast is interesting mainly for experts. Let's see - how many listeners do we have from the palliative care field? Our Oleg Vojtíšek with Jiří Krejčí from Pallia on Spotify!
PHOTO: 2nd Annual Government Commissioner for Human Rights Awards
Death can be peaceful and blissful, says the funeral guide. My grandmother and I talked about death
Funeral guide Renata at the forest cemetery
Death can be peaceful and blissful, says the funeral guide. My grandmother and I talked about death
"We were approached by a fifty-five year old terminally ill man and we are working with him and his family to prepare for the end of his life. I am in contact with him, writing a speech for him, which he will approve. It's an amazing story. When I visited them, I was fascinated by the humility and resignation with which they accept their fate."
Renata Svoboda, our Ren, started in the funeral business because the experience of seeing her grandmother off opened the door to a whole new life.
One in which she wanted to dedicate herself to the dying and those left behind. Accompanying a family from the moments before death to the funeral and often beyond is also part of the job of Funeral Guides, and we are just glad that Ren took it on with such sensitivity and care.
If you're interested in her story and her profession, read about it in a new article on Flowee. In addition, maybe about whether our profession can turn into a callous trade in death.
Klára Brázdová and Oleg: Is mourning chaos? Or is it wandering through the forest? And is a funeral a dialogue?
Klára Brázdová and Oleg Vojtíšek record a podcast on a grassy roof above Prague
The deafening silence after the death of a man.
And now we don't mean when you're suddenly home alone. But the silence that comes at the end of the day: when you receive lots of messages, lots of attention, questions and love after the death of a loved one... and then suddenly... it fades away.
Suddenly, the neighborhood decided it was time to move on. But you're not there yet.
As a psychotherapist, Klára Brázdová often works with the bereaved and our work and hers have a lot in common!
As a funeral service, we often consider how much we have to do for our clients: from a service position, we want to deliver the maximum. It's just that grieving is a very specific thing. People need to be guided to go into the grieving process themselves - even by preparing the funeral. And it's similar in therapy.
Klara says she likes that we are having a dialogue with the bereaved. A dialogue about what they want and how they want it. What's even possible. A dialogue about what the deceased would have wanted, what they want. That's what people are often afraid to talk to them about. Grieving people are fully competent and should not be treated like children.
Why is it not good to follow the "expert" stages of grief?
How are mourning and wandering through the forest similar?
And why is it nice to go to Nepal after the funeral?
In our podcast, Oleg talked about grieving with psychotherapist Klara Brázdová and if you're concerned, you'll definitely want to listen in!
Our colleague Renata tells Květy how she saw her grandmother off on her last journey
We know from our clients' stories that spending their last moments with their loved ones is a life-changing gift ♥️.
🛤️Naše my colleague Ren Svoboda saw her grandmother off on her last journey with her family 👫
This also motivated her to become a funeral guide 🏡
Read more about how she and her grandmother dealt with it in Květy magazine 🌺
Barbora Steinlauf: Are you entitled to a peaceful death?
"I don't want to live anymore, let me die..." Has a dying man ever said that to you? Is he entitled to die peacefully? Can you answer that?
Barbora Steinlauf and Oleg Vojtíšek recording a podcast in the dusk over Prague
Probably not. And many doctors probably don't either.
The legal system of the health care system in the area of dying is very much lagging behind: it has long been built to protect doctors and support them when they commit illegal acts. But Barbara Steinlauf, as a health care advocate, is going in the opposite direction - protecting the rights of the dying and trying to spread awareness about what people are entitled to during the dying process.
If you can't answer these questions, you should definitely listen to the podcast recorded by our Oleg with Barbara Steinlauf:
What should I do if someone is dying in hospital and I feel they are not being treated well? And what if I suspect they died because of a hospital error?
Is a signed paper really enough as informed consent?
If you refuse medical care, do you also lose palliative care?
And in general... how is euthanasia (killing on request) in the context of Czech law?
And that's not the end of it: Barbora has also launched a new project about the end of life. Let your family know how you want to die when you can no longer make your own decisions. Or see how to have a conversation with a dying person about it.
What to say and not to say to parents after the death of a child
Do you have anyone in your area who has had a baby or even a bigger child die? Would you like to comfort them in some way, but don't know how? Prepare yourself for the fact that you simply cannot comfort a parent whose son or daughter has died, it is not in human power. On the other hand, words can be powerful and can caress the grieving parent's soul or hurt them painfully.
Adriana Kábová on the banks of the Vltava River, on Střelecký Island
When my own baby died, I was surprised in many ways by the reactions of those around me. Some pleasant, some unpleasant. What struck me most was how many people retreated and pretended nothing had happened. I realized they probably didn't know how to react. But the avoidance of me, or at least the topic of the baby's death, was probably the most distressing.
Parents often find themselves in a strange limbo after the death of a child and feel lonely. And this is only because their surroundings do not know what to say, do not know what to do, so they prefer to withdraw and avoid responding to such a difficult life situation. Fears of being reminded of the deceased child are not misplaced; parents find it hard to manage to think of anything else at all for the first few months.
In addition to ignorance, a common type of reaction is a pleading effort to come up with something positive, something to please the parents with empty arms. But it just can't work. Parents may perceive the effort to comfort, but it is absolutely ineffective.
Sometimes I was amazed at what people said to me. I understand that they probably felt the need to comfort or comfort me in some way. But more than once, I ended up actually feeling sorry for them. They're just floundering and they don't know what to do with me.
Rather, I recommend focusing on sentences that acknowledge the death of the child and the weight of the parents' grief. A simple "I'm sorry", "I'msorry" is sometimes quite enough. "Condolences" is seen by some as a stilted phrase, but it actually has deep meaning and is certainly one of the most welcome expressions of belonging.
Words that can support grieving parents:
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
My condolences.
If you know each other very well, even a hug can be supportive for parents after the death of a child. It's a good idea to ask first if you can, if the parents will be comfortable at the time. Respectfully and without offence, if they refuse your offer, not everyone is the 'hugging type'.
I am here for you and I will listen to you whenever you need me.
Don't be afraid to text me anytime, you'll never bother me.
It is very necessary to be able to listen to parents after the death of their child, because it often helps them to share their burden, but few people want to hear about dying. Take away from your stories what happened to your friends and what helped them afterwards. Rather, be interested in the story or insight that the grieving person may want to tell you, but there is often no space for it. Let the parents know that you are ready to hear them out. You might say things like "I'm here for you and will listen whenever you need me" or"don't be afraid to text me anytime, you'll never bother me".
Do you want to tell me about (child's name)?
And when you are finding out if the parents are willing and in the mood to share their grief with you, it is a good idea not to be afraid to mention the name of the deceased child. Indeed, many people tend to stop saying the child's name as if it were suddenly forbidden. It's just that for parents, it's still their beloved son or daughter, even if they're suddenly not there. And when suddenly no one wants to talk about them, no one even wants to say their name, it's as if those around them suddenly don't want to acknowledge that they existed at all.
I was always pleased when there was someone among my friends who was not afraid to say my son's name. It warmed my heart that at least someone remembered him after his short stay here.
Words that usually rub salt in the wound:
Be glad you have another child.
You are still young, you will have more.
You just have to think positive.
Worse things happen to people.
I know how you feel because...
Nature intended it that way. It was meant to be.
Your child is in a better place now.
It's a good thing it wasn't older.
And you're thinking about another one?
Sentences beginning with "at least that".
In addition to the group of people who are worried about hurting their parents with their words and prefer to remain silent, there is also the part that doesn't think about their words at all and simply says something in the belief that it will alleviate their parents' grief. If the parents have any other children, there is always someone who will remember to mention it. "Be glad you have another child." Yes, parents are certainly glad they have another child, but that doesn't lessen their grief. In fact, all sentences that begin with "at least that..."are similarly ineffective . At least you're okay, at least it didn't get worse, at least everything is going well otherwise, at least you can still have more children , and so on.
And then there are those who feel they know exactly what parents experience after the death of a child. Because someone they know has been through something similar and they know what helped them and what parents now have to do and not do that they need to do. Never say the sentence "I know how you feel because..." because you simply don't know. Each grieving process is deeply individual and no one can give parents an exact guide on how to get through it.
"When our Oliver died, I was unable to talk to anyone except my husband. After coming home from the hospital, we stayed at his parents' house for a few days. Everyone acted as if nothing had happened. On the third day, my mother-in-law sat down with me in the living room and said she knew exactly what I was going through. She said she had a miscarriage once. She started giving me advice on what I should and shouldn't do now. I just stayed staring at her. And she said she had absolutely no idea what I was going through. I left in tears and we didn't speak again until we left."
The experience of our client Eva B.
Well-meaning judgments like "nature intended it that way", "itwas meant to be" or
"your child is in a better place now". If these statements are meant seriously, then they contain a reference to spirituality, which the parent may not share with the speaker.
And because in our society, in general, grief vented in public is not very popular, the parents' surroundings sometimes do not know how to deal with it. And that's how catchphrases like "don't cry, it won't bring him/her back anyway","you have to think positive" arise. Similarly, the phrase "worse things happen to people" is not at all supportive. The pressure to smile and the encouragement to suppress grief negate the parents' experienced emotions and their need to grieve.
A phrase that can hurt parents of babies who died in the womb or were born very prematurely is "before they were older". Beware, direct proportionality does not apply here. The parent simply lost the baby. Period.
For babies, forgive the often heard phrase "you are still young, you will have another". Parents experience an indescribable pain, they grieve for the unique baby they have just lost. That phrase is like a slap in the face. In addition, you may not know the exact reasons for the baby's death, and sometimes there may be interventions after which another pregnancy is not even possible. And unless you've stood by your parents throughout their grieving process, you're not one of their closest loved ones, so avoid asking them questions like, "Are you thinking about another one yet?"
So we recommend that the death of a child is definitely not ignored, not passed unnoticed. It's just that in such a case, less is sometimes more, and "I'm sorry" and "I'm sorry" as a first reaction is quite enough. And then you can ask parents what practical things you can help them with, or even suggest some. It is most appreciated when you are able to listen to your parents and whatever they want to share, even repeatedly.
The author Adriana Kábová is a bereavement counsellor and funeral guide whose first baby died.
Suicide is a cancer of the soul. How do suicidal thoughts work? Sasha Kasal and Roksana Taborska.
Saša Kasal and Roksana Táborská from the National Institute of Mental Health
Suicide is a cancer of the soul. How do suicidal thoughts work?
It changes with age: the younger a person is, the more vulnerable they are - people learn different techniques to cope with problems throughout their lives.
It varies with gender: men are more likely to commit suicide, while women are more likely to self-harm (globally, there are 3 to 4 male suicides for every one female suicide).
It spreads like a contagion: if a suicide occurs in one class, it is a risk factor for all classmates.
The surroundings can make it worse, just say "You can't do this to me," for example.
13,000 suicides in one year - roughly 4 deaths a day. That's the data for 2022. March and April are the riskiest.
Is it the computers now? Not at all. On the contrary, the numbers have been steadily declining since the '50s and '60s. It's only since 2019 that they're starting to pick up again. Why?
The cause is never one: covid, black prospects for the future, social networks, long waits for psychologists, addictive substances, even genetic predisposition.
What to do if someone confides in you with the intention of committing suicide?
Will the psychologist fire you?
Is there any way to develop a family?
We unpacked the stigma of suicide together with Sasha Kasal and Roksana Táborská from the National Institute of Mental Health in our podcast.
Apologies to all for the lower intelligibility of the male voices. The original recording has been severely damaged and what you hear is the result of painstaking reconstruction.
How nature helps us in times of loss
When we lose a loved one, the world as we have known it suddenly changes. Time seems to stand still. What was solid crumbles. What used to make sense suddenly makes no sense. The pain may seem greater than we can bear. An empty space is created. A silence that cannot be bypassed.
It is in such moments that nature can become our support and refuge. It offers what we need in times of grief - silence, peace, healing sound, sight and touch. A place to rest. Closeness without words, without advice, without pressure. It helps us gently stay connected - to ourselves, to what has been, and to what remains.
We, the Funeral Guides, have now begun to establish forest cemeteries. That's why we are focusing on the connection between nature and mourning much more in our articles.
Nature receives and heals
In moments of grief, nature can be the most patient guide. The forest, the mountains, the river and the open sky do not impose advice or quick fixes. They don't promise "it will be okay again" or give instant "how to be okay fast" instructions. They don't judge, they don't rush, they don't press for time - they just quietly are present. They accept our sadness as naturally as morning fog or fallen leaves. And in doing so, they give us space to just be. To meet our grief, to be present with it for a while, to pay attention to it.
It can be hard to stay in the present during the grieving period. The present itself often hurts - we tend to reminisce, dwell on the past, regret, withdraw, numb or avoid what we are feeling. It is then, however, that nature offers us one of her gifts. It helps us to gently stay in the here and now - with what we feel and with what surrounds us. It becomes a refuge for even the most difficult emotions.
Calm, rhythm and the quiet power of nature slowly bring us back to ourselves, our bodies and our experience. In the immensity of the sky we can find solace and feel that it can carry our sorrow. When we lean against a tree, we sense a quiet strength that supports us. In the solidity of the stone we find stability amidst the emotional maelstrom. A leaf carried by a stream of water can symbolically carry away a bit of our pain. And just as the earth receives rain, it receives our tears.
Nature seems to naturally tune in to our pain without making light of it or considering it too great. We can turn to her as a silent witness to our grief. And even when nothing seems to change outwardly, her presence usually fills us with greater ease and peace. Perhaps it is in this quiet repose that a gentle wave of reconciliation begins to slowly awaken within us - as if we suddenly see everything with more perspective and open ourselves to accepting what is.
Even the body feels the loss
Grief doesn't just dwell in the heart - it also leaves its mark on the body. People often describe chest pain, shortness of breath, insomnia, upset stomach, anxiety, anger, or an outbreak of autoimmune disease at the time of loss. The nervous system, overwhelmed by intense emotional pain, goes into a state of constant alert - the body seems unable to find peace, security or rest. And when the body is in tension, it is difficult not only to function, but to process grief.
And it is in such situations that nature can help us greatly. Scientific studies confirm that being in nature harmonises the nervous system: it calms the breath, lowers blood pressure and stress hormones, strengthens immunity and emotional resilience. It helps improve mood and relieves anxiety - symptoms that often accompany grief. From Japanese tradition comes the term shinrin-yoku, literally 'bath in the forest'. It is a forest 'therapy' that originated in the 1980s as a response to the increasing stress of modern life. It's not about exercise or tourism - it's an invitation to slow down and be with all your senses in the presence of the trees, light, scents and sounds of the forest.
Nature has a silent effect on our physiology: just walk through the forest and feel the softness of the moss. Smell the needles. Stop by a tree and let the streaks of light that pass through the crown fall on your face. To notice the tiny insects making their way through the leaves. Feel the roughness of the bark with the palm of your hand and listen to the silence in which our breathing slowly calms.
In this silence a deeper perception begins to awaken in us - we are not just thinking beings found in nature; we are nature. Our bodies, like the trees, the wind and the soil, are intimately connected to the natural world. And it is in this connection that our senses open, our receptivity to ourselves and our surroundings grows, our mood slowly transforms, and our bodies can breathe more freely again.
Conscious memory anchored in nature
Nature can also support us in anchoring a conscious memory of a loved one who has passed away. When someone dies, it's not just their body that disappears. His or her place in our lives is transformed. He is no longer on the other end of the phone, at the table, visiting... and yet he remains. In the memories, the gestures, the words, in what we take from him - in our hearts. It is this inner presence that can be healing if we give it space.
Giving space to memory means accepting that the relationship does not end with death, but changes its form. In the silence of nature, we can ask the question: What do I want to keep of the life we lived together? What do I want to carry forward as a memory, a gift, a thank you?
Nature offers subtle, concrete stimuli for this. A feather to stick in the moss. A word whispered into the hollow of a tree. A leaf we let drift down a stream like a silent message. A stone that captures our attention with its shape and into which we imprint the love we continue to carry in our hearts. A conscious memory can thus take shape, voice and expression.
Ancestral legacy in the rhythms of nature
Our ancestors lived in close connection with nature and its cycles. Death was not a taboo for them, but a natural part of life. People said goodbye around the fire, with singing, in the circle of family and community. The body of the deceased was placed in the ground - in the forest, on a sacred hill, under a stone - in a place that was part of their lives. Mourning had a time, a place and rituals that helped to bring the deceased back to life.
Today, we can consciously return to and build on this wisdom. Be inspired to embrace life in all its forms. To seek kind and natural ways of saying goodbye. And to lean into the rhythms of nature that were here long before us and will remain after us - the sunrises, the changing seasons, the cycle of birth and passing. A rhythm that knows death as part of life. A rhythm in which nature offers a quiet support and a space where we are allowed to grieve at our own pace - unhurriedly, with respect for what has been, and with the hope that life will slowly find a new balance.
In moments of loss, nature offers us a quiet but strong support. It can carry everything that hurts us - tears, silence and memories. We find in it the support to honour the memory of our loved ones, to stop, listen and rest. It can also help us to reflect on our mortality and find comfort in knowing that even as we navigate the difficult terrain of grief, we are not alone in it. In this way, we continue the approach of our ancestors - in respect and humility for life, in coming to terms with death, and in finding support in the rhythms of nature.
In the stillness of nature and in the repetitive changes of its cycles, we find inspiration for how to move through grief, how to allow ourselves to experience pain and at the same time be led to reconciliation - to come to terms with our loss. She kindly leads us back - to ourselves, to life, to a new beginning. In its quiet rhythm, a subtle movement toward balance, renewed resilience and wholeness can be subtly born. And therein lies its profound wisdom and comfort.
The Last Farewell in the 19th Century
Many people today wish to die at home, surrounded by their loved ones. In the past, this was quite common - especially in the countryside, where many traditions and customs were associated with the passing of a person. These rituals were intended to symbolically break the ties that bound the deceased to family and neighbours, while welcoming them into the world of the dead. In this article, I explore how dying and burial were experienced in our rural areas in the 19th century. Many of the customs of the time still survive today - albeit perhaps in a simplified form.
Funeral ceremonies have always been accompanied by a number of rituals.
Dying
When someone had been moaning for a long time, the neighbours brought all kinds of medicines and the family prayed for his recovery. If the sick person felt that his last moments were approaching, he said goodbye to family and friends, gave them his blessing and gave final instructions regarding the distribution of the surviving property. At the same time, however, this created a space to pass on messages to those who had already died. People used the approach of death as an opportunity to send greetings to the "other world" - telling about what had happened in the village; about misfortunes, the war, but also about who they missed.
"Aunt Hotak begged: Say hello to my husband - Martin - and tell him that we were burnt out in the summer... Tell our people that Simon was drafted this year, and that he enlisted in Pilsen. A widower who buried his wife five years ago, he reminded me emphatically: Give my Manka my love, tell her I can't forget. Throughout the morning, people came to the building with their pains and desires, and the old woman smiled, prayed and promised to deal with everything faithfully..."
- Jindřich Šimon Baar from Postřekov in Chodsko. In: Navrátilová. 2004: 189.
Signs
When a kulishka screamed or a bitch howled in the yard, it was said that death was coming. In Central Bohemia, she was imagined as a female figure in a paper dress standing by the bedside of the dying. A sudden stop of the clock or strange noises in the house - "like a rod slamming against a chest" - were also harbingers of the approaching end.
On Easter Sunday (nowadays White Sunday) a procession used to go to the cemetery.
Notification of deaths
As soon as one breathed his last, it was necessary to wake up all those who were sleeping in the house. If the householder died, his departure was announced to the animals - the dog, the horses, the bees, even the fruit trees. If the housekeeper died, it was said especially to the poultry and cattle. Clocks were stopped in the house, mirrors and pictures were covered, the deceased's eyes were closed so that he would not "look" for someone else, and his chin was tied so that he would not "swallow" someone from the family. Everything was done with respect for the body, because it was believed that the soul remained with the body until burial. This is also why the vessels were turned upside down, so that the soul would have nowhere to hide. In some areas a window was opened after death, in others it was closed - it depended on whether people believed the soul should stay or go.
Even today, the village noontime death knell can tell you that someone has died. In some regions, the bell used to be rung three times for a man, twice for a woman and once for a child.
The family then commissioned someone to go round the neighbours and tell them what had happened. In return, he got a small reward - a bite to eat or money - but he was never allowed to enter the house. This custom was later replaced by the funeral card in the local newspaper.
Placing in the coffin
Before the body was placed in the coffin, it was washed by an elderly woman from the family or relatives. Anything that touched the dead person was no longer used - it was burned or buried. The water was poured out into an unused corner of the garden, where nothing was grown. The deceased was laid on a white sheet or on a mortuary board in a cool chamber, his head turned towards the exit.
The coffin was made to order by a local carpenter and consecrated with holy water before use. The body was dressed by a member of the family - often in a linen shawl or wedding dress, the arms were crossed on the chest and a holy image was placed between them. A rosary, cross, prayer book or personal items were added. The body was then displayed in the house. Shoes were not given - they were expensive and passed on. In the 19th century the coffin was usually black. For those who died unmarried, however, it was sometimes red.
Things the deceased liked were often added to the coffin - tobacco, alcohol, books, photographs or even musical instruments.
Lamentations and last visits
Neighbors and friends came to visit the family and the deceased. Prayers were said, farewells were said, and holy water was placed next to the body for crucifixion. Beggars were also invited to pray for the deceased, and beggars - known as weepers - would mourn loudly. In some regions, prayers went on all night. Guests sang funeral songs with the family, and in addition to prayers, tea, coffee, small treats and alcohol were served. Guests often took the refreshments home with them.
Taking the deceased out of the house of mourning
The coffin was closed just before the departure to the cemetery - so that everyone could say goodbye to the deceased until the very last moment. The actual hammering of the lid was often accompanied by strong emotions, weeping and wailing. The coffin was always carried out of the house feet first - this was to prevent the deceased from "going back". This custom has persisted to this day.
The threshold of the house had a symbolic meaning, it represented the boundary of the house. When the coffin was carried, it was either swung, knocked, or the symbol of a cross was made over it three times. In the case of a woman who died in her sextuplets, the coffin was carried by women. Similarly, the married were carried by the married, the unmarried by the unmarried.
The coffin was most often worn by men, usually married. In the past, the coffin was carried on the handles, but nowadays it is more often grabbed by the handles.
Funeral procession
From the house of mourning, the coffin was carried to the church or directly to the cemetery - either on a plague or on a horse-drawn cart. When the wagon was driven, it was first reversed three times. During the journey, people prayed, and in some places a singer led the prayer.
At the end of the village, often at the shrine, those present made a final appeal to others for forgiveness:
'Neighbours and neighbours, if the deceased has wronged you in any way while alive, I beg you for God's sake and for the sake of all the saints, first, second, third, forgive him (her)!' The congregation present shall answer, 'May the Lord God forgive him (her).'"
- Žipek, 1895: 534. In Nešporová, 2013: 188.
If the church or cemetery was far away, young children and the elderly accompanied the procession only to the outskirts of the village.
Nowadays, coffin is most often transported by car, but previously men carried it in their hands, and later in a carriage.
Ceremony at the cemetery
Upon arrival at the cemetery, a church ceremony was held during which the priest gave a speech, the grave was blessed and coffin was lowered down. People usually could not hold back their tears - weeping and mourning accompanied the whole ritual.
To this day, it is common to throw three handfuls of dirt on the coffin - a reminder that we all end up the same way one day. Moreover, in some regions, the bed of the deceased was made on the day of the funeral: if it remained intact the next morning, it was believed that the soul had not returned.
The deceased used to be laid to rest on the same day he died. However, it could happen that he was buried alive by mistake - people made sure of his death in various ways, for example, by dripping wax on his chest or putting a feather to his mouth. It was because of this that in 1771 it was decreed that every church must have a mortuary chamber where the body would remain for at least 48 hours. In reality, however, this was not observed until much later.
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After the funeral, the family invited guests - relatives, friends, but also priests, weepers, gravediggers or bearers - to a funeral feast. Simple foods such as porridge, bread, milk, and often alcohol were served.
Posthumous wedding
For the unmarried deceased, wedding elements often appeared - this was to complete the life cycle that death had interrupted. The deceased young man or girl was dressed in a wedding dress and a peer symbolically took on the role of groom or bride and followed the coffin. In some regions the procession was accompanied by two figures - a white and a black bride. The black bride carried a broken candle as a symbol of a wasted life.
Bridesmaids often escorted the deceased from the house, and the feast that followed was informally called a wreath, a merrymaking, or a wedding. People ate, drank and danced together. There was also bread.
The tradition of white and black brides has been preserved in some areas of the Czech Republic and Slovakia to this day.
The period of mourning
The funeral was followed by a period of mourning, with women wearing black clothing or at least a black armband. For one year, no wedding was allowed to take place and the family did not participate in dances or merrymaking.
Excessive mourning was not welcome, however - it was said to unnecessarily disturb the soul of the deceased. It was mourned mainly on the anniversary of death and birth, on All Souls' Day or at Christmas.
Visiting the cemetery on All Souls' Day is still an important custom. In the past, special pastries made of white flour were baked on this occasion - they were called souls, bones of saints, calettes or bones of God. They were given to children and beggars. It was believed that they were close to the spiritual world and could mediate contact with the dead.
Care of graves
In the past, graves were not maintained as carefully as they are today. Often they were overgrown with grass, and when the family cut it down, it bothered the gravediggers - who grew vegetables, cut grass for the cattle, or grazed the animals.
Larger and more ornate graves began to appear towards the end of the 19th century, first in towns and gradually in the countryside. Most had only simple markings, inscriptions were rare. Wealthier families could afford a wooden or metal cross. In Central Bohemia, coloured crosses were used - red for single people and black for married people. Around the turn of the century, wreaths and candle lighting became common on death anniversaries or on All Souls' Day.
Funeral customs in our country differed significantly from region to region. After all, the saying " Different region, different morals" is perhaps most true of funerals. If you yourself have experienced another tradition that was observed in your area, we would be glad if you would share it - write to us at info@pohrebnipruvodci.cz.
The author is ethnologist and funeral guide Adriana Kábová.
Sources:
KAŠOVÁ, Lucie. Rituals, customs and traditions of burial in the 21st century in Jílové u Prahy. Master thesis, supervisor Hošek, Pavel. Charles University, Evangelical Theological Faculty, Department of Religious Studies, 2011.
NAVRÁTILOVÁ, Alexandra. Birth and death in Czech folk culture. Prague, Vyšehrad, 2004.
NEŠPOROVÁ, Olga. A Century of Changes in Burial. Czech People, 100, 2, 2013.
ŠROM, Boh. On peasant life in the Jilov district, manuscript, 1895.
ŽIPEK, Josef. Superstitions, customs about illness, death and funeral in Strakonice. Český lid, 4: 533-535, 1895.
Digital photo archive Šechtl & Voseček
“Philosophizing is practice for death,” says Plato's Socrates through the words of Czech philosopher Tereza Matějčková.
We've also (modestly) philosophized and practiced death in a new podcast. During Christmas, we often struggle with loneliness: according to some philosophers, however, loneliness is a luxury of modern times. Why?
Because it's a chance not to live according to others. To act authentically for yourself, regardless of the wishes of family or society. To “follow your own truth.”
But beware, don't confuse it with being alone: that, on the other hand, is the result of breaking free from family ties. After all, Georg Simmel said: only modern man begins to die – precisely because he realizes his individuality and finiteness. He does not see himself as a mere continuation of the family.
According to Hegel, it may ultimately be the funeral that brings us back to the community. And if we don't do it, we harm ourselves: we disrupt our own community and our own inclusion.
And last but not least: philosophy has always been interested in the fact that man does not merely “fail” like other animals, but somehow takes care of that failure. We often say that we are fighting something – people or diseases. But we go even further. We learn from it, we correct past mistakes. We hurt ourselves, but at the same time we forgive ourselves and enrich ourselves.
We grow from conflicts, and family conflicts are something that “creates us together” and connects everyone. And it's more visible at Christmas than ever.
Therefore, if you want to gather yourself, calm down, reflect and escape from the scatteredness of today's world during these Christmas holidays, Tereza Matějčková recommends philosophy. And you can start with our podcast with Tereza!
Search on our Spotify:
DVTV: A funeral should start sadly and end happily. Oleg Vojtíšek in an interview with Daniela Drtinová
Czechs have repressed death.
When we go through various media, we keep getting similar questions from moderators:
Is the majority of deaths really without a ceremony? (A large percentage yes)
What does a traditional Czech funeral look like? (It doesn't exist)
How does it work with funeral services? (Better somewhere, worse somewhere else)
What can you do with ashes? (Actually anything, but with respect and consent)
Everything shows that the topic of death is taboo in the Czech Republic, there are many myths circulating about it, and in reality most people have no idea what happens after a dead body appears.
That's why we're always happy to see Ms. Drtinová on DVTV really digging into reality, debating ethics in the funeral industry, and helping us uncover the great mystery surrounding death and funerals.
"No one's afraid of getting pregnant from talking about sex, but when they start talking about death, everyone's afraid they'll bring it on themselves," said our Oleg.
So, if you don't want everything to run on autopilot after the death of your loved one, start preparing now. Maybe by listening to us on DVTV.
Close Encounters: Tereza Kostková and Oleg Vojtíšek, Czech Radio: We've Isolated Young People from Death
😱"Is it really true that most deaths in our country go without a funeral?!" Tereza Kostková wondered in Close Encounters on Czech Radio Dvojka, where our Oleg was a guest.
We see people who still burst into tears twenty years after the death of a loved one.🥀 Without a funeral, you won't find closure, and it will torment you your whole life, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected.
The reasons vary: from traumatizing experiences at the crematorium to financial concerns. And sometimes it's also because of a well-intentioned idea that leads to hell – to avoid traumatizing children 👶 We've raised a whole generation of people who have completely suppressed death. And when it hits them, it's all the worse and deeper. 🔪
So, how do you do funerals honestly?
🏡In a beautiful place that uplifts you.
👨👨👦👦On a day that suits everyone who should and wants to be at the funeral.
💌In a way that helps you relieve guilt or say what would otherwise keep coming back to you.
Burning messages or sending messages on balloons or boats isn't esoteric at all. On the contrary, it's a very tangible and easily understandable way to put a final period on the relationship with the deceased, and then watch it leave us – because that's the reality. ⚫
👂If you want to explore the topic of Czech funerals in a similar way to how Tereza Kostková explored it, listen to us on Close Encounters on Czech Radio.
A beautiful funeral? Yes, it's possible. Oleg Vojtíšek for Marianne magazine.
To borrow the words of Oleg Vojtíšek, their organization's effort is to change something that was perceived as depressing, bad, and terrible into something beautiful that helps and reconciles.
"Fortunately, today you can organize a funeral ceremony according to your wishes," says Oleg Vojtíšek, founder of Funeral Guides, in an interview for Marianne magazine. Those who have done it this way agree that it was a beautiful experience.
"A funeral that is personal helps," confirms my assumption Oleg Vojtíšek, founder of Funeral Guides, an association that helps bereaved families organize a more personal farewell to their deceased.
"It should take place in a place that is connected to the person, where they liked it or where we want to go to remember them. For example, by the river, in the park, in the villa.
With people who loved him and they loved him, or maybe they didn't, but they want to reconcile," he continues.
"What makes me happiest is that people come up with their own ideas about where the ceremony will be and what will happen there. They call us with a specific idea, and we just help them refine it and make it happen. The result is truly their ceremony, personal, reflecting how the deceased lived and how they lived with them," she optimistically notes.
How did Tereza prepare for the death of her five-year-old Kryštofek? And how did she prepare him?
Kryštofek had a clear diagnosis: DIPG. A brain tumor. In the stem. 100% mortality.
We thought about the story of Tereza and her son Kryštofek for a very long time because it left us with deep feelings of admiration and emotion. When Oleg first heard about him from Tereza over a cup of coffee, he said that such a story needed to be shared.
Because it's a story about a very brave little boy and two parents who went through hell together but came out on the other side. Kryštofek was only four when half of his body became paralyzed. Then came the diagnosis, radiation, a brief improvement, and a rapid decline.
His mother Tereza and father Dan stood by his side the whole time, holding his little hand until the very last moment, before he left in a black Hyundai van – which, as Dan joked in that tense moment, he would never have gotten into on his own because he didn't like that brand. What else could they do after tearful nights but find a bit of humor?
A story like theirs can help. Both Tereza, and you, who are going through a similar situation. Or someone around you. Or just to make you think about whether that argument with your husband about the unwashed dishes was really that terrible.
Can a relationship be 'fixed' by the death of a child?
How to talk to a child about their own death?
And does a ban on crying help?
With powerful stories like this, it's hard to advise what to do and not to do. And we don't really want to. We feel that we are only intermediaries through whom Tereza can share everything she went through, and yet she managed it, so that it might reach those who need to hear it.
We were truly honored that Tereza accepted the invitation to our podcast and talked about all these things. Straightforward, without sugarcoating. And you can listen to it on our Spotify.
What does All Souls' Day mean to us today? Benedikt Mohelník and Oleg Vojtíšek, Czech Radio, Vertikála
"From a believer's point of view, we are debtors to our ancestors; we are here thanks to them. We live on debt from what we receive from previous generations. Saying goodbye to that person is the minimum repayment of that debt, and at the same time, we create value for the future for those who come after us and will live on our debt," said Benedikt Mohelník, director of the Dominikánská 8 platform and editor-in-chief of the revue for theology and spiritual life, Salve.
Our Oleg Vojtíšek debated with him on the Vertikála program on Czech Radio.
And they discovered an interesting thing: religious rituals and our alternative ceremonies can go hand in hand. Because art is not about destroying traditions, but updating them.
Take All Souls' Day, for example. Typically, it is celebrated in the cemetery by laying flowers in a close family circle. But you can also invite friends and colleagues, perhaps on the anniversary of the death, so you don't have to be alone. After all, tradition dictates that we remember the deceased: not that it has to be on that particular day in that particular place.
In order for traditions to serve us, it is good to adapt them to our needs in the modern world. And neither we nor modern representatives of the church are against that.
How does Halloween help our children?
Why is it necessary to hold a funeral?
And last but not least: did they cut out Oleg when he completely forgot what he actually wanted to say?
Find out in the new Vertikála.
How to talk about death and why are we afraid of it? Adriana and Oleg for iGlanc.
"Grandma went to heaven."☁️
How many times have you used 'heaven' when your child asked you where grandma disappeared to?
We think we're making it easier for the child, that they're still too young to understand the complexities of death. And mainly, so they don't fear that death will strike someone else.😱
But we don't think about the fact that around the age of ten, a child will inevitably become aware of death on their own; we're programmed that way. By planting false ideas in their head, we're only making it harder for them to understand death.
What's the right and wrong way to do it? We asked our colleague about her own experiences:
🐶 When the family dog died, her parents were silent about it for three days. When she started asking about him, they said he had simply left.
💔 She remembers very well the moment she realized death existed: she must have been around nine, she was in her children's room, getting ready to sleep. And suddenly it occurred to her that her parents would die one day, just like it happens in the action movies on TV that her parents fall asleep to in the evenings. She spent the rest of the night crying. She never confided in her parents about it.
❤️ A few years later, however, she experienced the death of her beloved guinea pig the way it should be. She took care of him when he was sick and fed him with a syringe when he could no longer eat. After his last breath, she and her dad held a small ceremony. She buried him in his favorite little house.
Children, even the smallest ones, are smarter than we think.👶 If we can't talk about death ourselves, we're just building a barrier – and children will keep the questions that bother them to themselves, until death becomes just a concept that they completely suppress. 💨
🙌 To give children a healthy relationship with death, we need to start with ourselves. Oleg and Adriana talk about how to talk about death with children and how to accept it ourselves in a new article. 🙌
We transformed the Mexican Día de Muertos into a Czech Remembrance Ceremony - with Petra Ponocna
💀 Did you know that in Mexico, they celebrate death on Día de Muertos?💀
Is it a fascination with death, where we constantly remember old wounds every year?
❌ Not at all. On the contrary: here, we aren't even able to properly talk about the death of a friend after a year. We tuck photos into albums, lock away memories, throw out clothes. And heaven forbid their spirits ever come to haunt us.
In Mexico, on the other hand, they prepare an altar for the deceased. They bring their favorite things and treats to their grave. They lure them back with sugar skulls to celebrate with them, to see that they haven't been forgotten.
We've been talking for a long time about how life should return to cemeteries. 🪅 And in Mexico, they know how to do it very well! 🪅
🧁 They decorate graves with colorful flowers.
🧁 During the Day of the Dead celebrations, there are taco stands in the cemeteries.
🧁 Mariachis play.
🧁 And families spend the night there.
Let's compare it to Czech All Souls' Day 🥀 – can you imagine not just laying a flower on the grave this year, but instead cooking the deceased's favorite meal and going to the cemetery to chat with them? Playing music and dancing? Reminiscing with others who come there? Probably not. But you can, for example, gather the family and remember the deceased together. Whether it's for All Souls' Day or not – and whether with our help or on your own. Get inspired by us here: https://www.pohrebnipruvodci.cz/obrad-vzpominani
Here, we see grief as an illness that needs to be treated and has a clearly defined end. In Mexico, no one expects grief to end with the funeral and for everything to go back to normal. Instead, they naturally return to it every year, as it should be in life.
We also like to think that we invented self-help groups here – for example, for victims of car accidents.
But in Mexico, they have nationally designated days for various specific deaths, so people can share their experiences with others who have had the same fate.
🇲🇽 There's so much to say about Mexico! We were just talking about it in a podcast with our colleague Petra Ponocná. If you're interested, you can find us on Spotify. 🇲🇽