Klára Brázdová a Oleg: Je truchlení chaos? Nebo je to bloudění lesem? A je pohřeb dialog?
Klára Brázdová a Oleg Vojtíšek natáčí podcast na zatravněné střeše nad Prahou
Ohlušující ticho po smrti člověka.
A teď nemyslíme, když najednou doma zůstanete sami. Ale ticho, které přijde pokradmu: když po smrti blízkého dostáváte spousty zpráv, spousty pozornosti, otázek a lásky... a pak to najednou.. vyšumí.
Najednou se okolí rozhodlo, že je na čase jít dál. Ale vy tam ještě nejste.
Klára Brázdová se jako psychoterapeutka věnuje často pozůstalým a naše i její práce toho mají spoustu společného!
My jako pohřební služba často zvažujeme, kolik toho máme dělat za klienty: z pozice služby chceme dodat maximum. Jenomže truchlení je velmi specifická věc. Je potřeba lidi směrovat, aby se do truchlení pustili sami - třeba i přípravou pohřbu. A podobné je to i v terapii.
Klára říká, že se jí líbí, že my s pozůstalými vedeme dialog. Dialog o tom, co a jak chtějí. Co je vůbec možné. Dialog o zesnulém, co by si přál, co si přejí oni. O tom se s nimi lidé často bojí mluvit. Truchlící lidé jsou plně kompetentní a neměli bychom se k nim chovat jako k dětem.
Proč není dobré řídit se “odbornými” stádii truchlení?
V čem jsou si podobné truchlení a bloudění lesem?
A proč je fajn po pohřbu odjet do Nepálu?
Oleg se v našem podcastu bavil o truchlení s psychoterapeutkou Klárou Brázdovou a pokud se vás to týká, tak si to určitě budete chtít poslechnout!
Barbora Steinlauf: Máte nárok na klidnou smrt?
“Já už nechci žít, nech mě umřít…” Řekl vám tohle někdy umírající? Má nárok na to v poklidu zemřít? Dokážete na to odpovědět?
Barbora Steinlauf a Oleg Vojtíšek natáčí podcast v soumraku nad Prahou
Nejspíše ne. A mnozí lékaři nejspíše také ne.
Právní systém zdravotnictví v oblasti umírání velmi zaostává: dlouhou dobu byl budován tak, aby chránil lékaře a podpořil je v případě, že se dopustí nezakonného jednání. Barbora Steinlauf jako zdravotnická advokátka jde ale opačným směrem – chrání práva umírajících a snaží se šířt osvětu o tom, na co má člověk během umírání nárok.
Pokud nedokážete odpovědět na tyto otázky, určitě byste si měli pustit podcast, který natočil náš Oleg s Barborou Steinlauf:
Jak postupovat, když mi někdo umírá v nemocnici, a mám pocit, že se k němu nechovají dobře? A co když pojmu podezření, že zemřel chybou nemocnice?
Stačí jako informovaný souhlas skutečně jen podepsaný papír?
Když odmítnete lékařskou péči, přicházíte tím zároveň o paliativní péči?
A vůbec.. jak je na tom eutanázie (usmrcení na žádost) v kontextu českého práva?
A tím ještě nekončíme: Barbora zároveň nově spustila projekt O závěru života. Dejte své rodině vědět, jak chcete umřít, když už sami nebudete moct rozhodovat. Nebo se tam podívejte, jak o tom rozhovor s umírajícím vůbec vést.
Sebevražda je rakovina duše. Jak fungují sebevražedné myšlenky? Saša Kasal a Roksana Táborská.
Saša Kasal a Roksana Táborská z Národního ústavu duševního zdraví
Sebevražda je rakovina duše. Jak fungují sebevražedné myšlenky?
Mění se s věkem: čím mladší člověk je, tím je ohroženější – lidé si během života osvojí jiné techniky, jak problémy zvládat.
Mění se s pohlavím: páchají ji více muži, ženy se zase naopak častěji sebepoškozují (celosvětově na jednu sebevraždu ženy připadají 3 až 4 sebevraždy mužů).
Šíří se jako nákaza: pokud v jedné třídě dojde k sebevraždě, je to rizikový faktor pro všechny spolužáky.
Okolí to může zhoršit, stačí třeba říci “To mi nemůžeš udělat,”.
13 000 sebevražd za jeden rok – zhruba 4 úmrtí denně. Taková jsou data za rok 2022. Březen a duben jsou nejrizikovější.
Že je to teď těmi počítači? Ale vůbec ne. Počty od 50. a 60. let naopak stabilně klesají. Teprve od roku 2019 se začínají opět zvedat. Proč?
Příčina nikdy není jedna: covid, černé vyhlídky do budoucna, sociální sítě, dlouhé čekačky na psychology, návykové látky, dokonce genetická predispozice.
Co dělat, když s vám někdo svěří s úmyslem spáchat sebevraždu?
Vyhodí vás psycholog?
Lze nějak vyvinit rodinu?
Stigma tématu sebevražd jsme rozkrývali společně se Sašou Kasalem a Roksanou Táborskou z Národního ústavu duševního zdraví v našem podcastu.
Omlouváme se všem za nižší srozumitelnost mužských hlasů. Originální nahrávka byla silně poškozena a to, co slyšíte, je výsledkem pracné rekonstrukce.
“Philosophizing is practice for death,” says Plato's Socrates through the words of Czech philosopher Tereza Matějčková.
We've also (modestly) philosophized and practiced death in a new podcast. During Christmas, we often struggle with loneliness: according to some philosophers, however, loneliness is a luxury of modern times. Why?
Because it's a chance not to live according to others. To act authentically for yourself, regardless of the wishes of family or society. To “follow your own truth.”
But beware, don't confuse it with being alone: that, on the other hand, is the result of breaking free from family ties. After all, Georg Simmel said: only modern man begins to die – precisely because he realizes his individuality and finiteness. He does not see himself as a mere continuation of the family.
According to Hegel, it may ultimately be the funeral that brings us back to the community. And if we don't do it, we harm ourselves: we disrupt our own community and our own inclusion.
And last but not least: philosophy has always been interested in the fact that man does not merely “fail” like other animals, but somehow takes care of that failure. We often say that we are fighting something – people or diseases. But we go even further. We learn from it, we correct past mistakes. We hurt ourselves, but at the same time we forgive ourselves and enrich ourselves.
We grow from conflicts, and family conflicts are something that “creates us together” and connects everyone. And it's more visible at Christmas than ever.
Therefore, if you want to gather yourself, calm down, reflect and escape from the scatteredness of today's world during these Christmas holidays, Tereza Matějčková recommends philosophy. And you can start with our podcast with Tereza!
Search on our Spotify:
How did Tereza prepare for the death of her five-year-old Kryštofek? And how did she prepare him?
Kryštofek had a clear diagnosis: DIPG. A brain tumor. In the stem. 100% mortality.
We thought about the story of Tereza and her son Kryštofek for a very long time because it left us with deep feelings of admiration and emotion. When Oleg first heard about him from Tereza over a cup of coffee, he said that such a story needed to be shared.
Because it's a story about a very brave little boy and two parents who went through hell together but came out on the other side. Kryštofek was only four when half of his body became paralyzed. Then came the diagnosis, radiation, a brief improvement, and a rapid decline.
His mother Tereza and father Dan stood by his side the whole time, holding his little hand until the very last moment, before he left in a black Hyundai van – which, as Dan joked in that tense moment, he would never have gotten into on his own because he didn't like that brand. What else could they do after tearful nights but find a bit of humor?
A story like theirs can help. Both Tereza, and you, who are going through a similar situation. Or someone around you. Or just to make you think about whether that argument with your husband about the unwashed dishes was really that terrible.
Can a relationship be 'fixed' by the death of a child?
How to talk to a child about their own death?
And does a ban on crying help?
With powerful stories like this, it's hard to advise what to do and not to do. And we don't really want to. We feel that we are only intermediaries through whom Tereza can share everything she went through, and yet she managed it, so that it might reach those who need to hear it.
We were truly honored that Tereza accepted the invitation to our podcast and talked about all these things. Straightforward, without sugarcoating. And you can listen to it on our Spotify.
We transformed the Mexican Día de Muertos into a Czech Remembrance Ceremony - with Petra Ponocna
💀 Did you know that in Mexico, they celebrate death on Día de Muertos?💀
Is it a fascination with death, where we constantly remember old wounds every year?
❌ Not at all. On the contrary: here, we aren't even able to properly talk about the death of a friend after a year. We tuck photos into albums, lock away memories, throw out clothes. And heaven forbid their spirits ever come to haunt us.
In Mexico, on the other hand, they prepare an altar for the deceased. They bring their favorite things and treats to their grave. They lure them back with sugar skulls to celebrate with them, to see that they haven't been forgotten.
We've been talking for a long time about how life should return to cemeteries. 🪅 And in Mexico, they know how to do it very well! 🪅
🧁 They decorate graves with colorful flowers.
🧁 During the Day of the Dead celebrations, there are taco stands in the cemeteries.
🧁 Mariachis play.
🧁 And families spend the night there.
Let's compare it to Czech All Souls' Day 🥀 – can you imagine not just laying a flower on the grave this year, but instead cooking the deceased's favorite meal and going to the cemetery to chat with them? Playing music and dancing? Reminiscing with others who come there? Probably not. But you can, for example, gather the family and remember the deceased together. Whether it's for All Souls' Day or not – and whether with our help or on your own. Get inspired by us here: https://www.pohrebnipruvodci.cz/obrad-vzpominani
Here, we see grief as an illness that needs to be treated and has a clearly defined end. In Mexico, no one expects grief to end with the funeral and for everything to go back to normal. Instead, they naturally return to it every year, as it should be in life.
We also like to think that we invented self-help groups here – for example, for victims of car accidents.
But in Mexico, they have nationally designated days for various specific deaths, so people can share their experiences with others who have had the same fate.
🇲🇽 There's so much to say about Mexico! We were just talking about it in a podcast with our colleague Petra Ponocná. If you're interested, you can find us on Spotify. 🇲🇽
Care for parents after the death of a child: Alena Peremská
This podcast with Alena Peremská starts with what has changed in the last 10 years. And fortunately, everything has changed. It used to be normal not to talk about the topic of infant death; it was taboo. Children weren't shown to parents, weren't named, and weren't buried. You were supposed to quickly forget "it."
So, what's the right way to do it? Let's take it one step at a time.
How to deliver bad news in the hospital? Isn't it better to stay silent? Because if I don't say anything, I can't mess anything up.
No. If you don't know how, approach it personally, humanly, and authentically. It's not wrong to cry; in fact, crying might be the greatest thing you can give to that family.
How to preserve or even create a memory of the child?
Take a photo together (seriously, we have the best experiences with it). Ask for a memory box. Make footprints in it, give the baby a stuffed animal... We know from experience that it doesn't traumatize the family.
How to say goodbye?
First, in the hospital: The hospital should allow you to say goodbye to the body in private. You can dress the baby, take care of them... but you can also do it later at the funeral home.
And then have a funeral, a ceremony. Let the child go, say goodbye. It greatly helps our psyche, as well as the child's soul. And if it helps us, we can even baptize the child - we don't think it's important whether the baptism is valid, but if it helps us, God understands.
What should you do with the baby? Where should you lay them to rest?
Parents often choose cremation and then keep the urn at home, so the baby is always with them. That's okay (we just recommend not keeping it in the bedroom). However, after a while, it's good to put the urn somewhere else, in a final resting place. You can do a "secondary funeral" - place the baby's ashes in a cemetery, in the garden, scatter them in a meadow, or into the sea.
The podcast ends on a very personal – even moving – note, so it's really worth listening to until the end.
Zdenka Volavá, Director of Dlouhá cesta: What changes in a partnership after the death of a child?
Zdenka is a mother who lost her 21-year-old son. And since 2022, she has also been the chairwoman of the Dlouhá cesta association. Dlouhá cesta supports families in which a child has died - at any age and for any reason. In this podcast, we introduce Dlouhá cesta. But we will also focus on the difficult topic of changes in a partnership after the death of a child.
"If someone had played this for me ten years before or five years before, I would have said: that's not me at all, I would never behave like that, I have never behaved like that. But after that loss, I behaved like that and I didn't even recognize myself. So I feel that maybe my husband had to get used to my new self much more than I had to get used to his."
Kateřina Svobodová is a guide to Prague cemeteries.
Kateřina studied art history, and cemeteries are full of art.
Art in its original location, in a natural space, not in a gallery according to a curatorial intention.
In a beautiful space, in nature, in silence, in harmony with nature and the city around.
But today, funeral sculptures are almost never made. What to do to bring them back?
And can preparing a statue for a grave help process the death of a loved one?
After all, we had several clients who made the Coffin themselves, and it helped them.
We made urns from LEGO with the children.
And while we're on the subject of children, we see it as a big problem that they have never been to a funeral, nor have they seen anyone dead - and that's where the whole societal repression of death begins.
So, what if we helped them get acquainted with death by taking them to the cemetery?
For example, in history class: Let them see Božena Němcová and Neruda and Čapek and Dvořák with Smetana at the Vyšehrad Cemetery. And everything else with them.
It sounds natural and even cheap.
So, while recording the podcast, we came up with the project "Children in the Cemetery."
Anyway, come for a tour of the cemetery with Kateřina, you can find the dates in her Facebook group "For all Taphophiles", or on the Hrbitovy.cz website.