A COMMEMORATION CEREMONY MODELLED ON THE MEXICAN DAY OF THE DEAD (DÍA DE MUERTOS)
THE FUNERAL IS NOT THE END OF MOURNING, BUT THE BEGINNING.
Anyone who has experienced grief knows that grief comes back in waves.
There's always something we couldn't, wouldn't, didn't say...
We feel guilty for things we can't.
The support of friends gradually fades and we are more and more alone.
And on anniversaries, death weighs on us the most.
Plus, we need to rearrange relationships in the family - because if someone really close to us dies, all relationships look different after their death.
And the worst thing is if, for example, there wasn't even a funeral. Or... not a good one.
HOW CAN A REMEMBRANCE CEREMONY HELP YOU?
You will cope better with grief.
It will reduce your anxiety.
Your fear of death will be less.
You will strengthen relationships with family and friends.
You'll help children see death as a natural part of life.
You'll introduce the deceased to children, for example, who no longer remember him or her because they were too young.
You'll honor your deceased.
And you won't be alone in your annual bouts of grief.
WHEN TO DO THE REMEMBRANCE CEREMONY?
This rite never harms, but in these cases it can help much more:
There was no funeral at all, or an inadequate one (typically 15 minutes in the crematorium).
You feel that you need a better goodbye, that you need to open up your mourning, to unfold it, or, on the contrary, to close it.
After a death, you have unresolved relationships in your family, among friends, at work...
...or if you like Mexico :)
What about the date of the ceremony?
Most often it is done on the anniversary of the death, funeral, or birthday of our loved one.
But we can also do it on a day that is significant to our family or community.
Or simply on a day that is convenient for the whole family (for example, if we only see everyone twice a year).
How long after death does a memorial service make sense?
If you feel you need one, 5-10 years is fine. I have even organised the actual funeral up to five years after death - because the bereaved simply needed it.
WHAT A REMEMBRANCE CEREMONY MIGHT LOOK LIKE?
The essence of the meeting is to meet, to reminisce, to finish the unspoken, to try to untie old relationships and establish new ones. It is supposed to be a nice and relaxed meeting - definitely don't confuse it with our Soulstice, which is rather sad and mournful.
We have designed the ceremony rather our own, European one: but we will be happy to prepare a Mexican soul ceremony together with you - we know that Czechs like it very much when Mexicans do it in public in Prague.
Don't worry, we won't eat on graves - although not only Mexicans did that, but also Slavs.
The Funeral Guide will guide us through the ceremony.
The scenario may be very different than this one, we are providing more of a guide. Each family is different and we want to make it very personal.
Together we will prepare an altar for the deceased from things we have prepared in advance (photos, candles, gifts) and decorate it.
You will receive a small "guide" from us with ideas, tips and explanations of the importance of the different elements.
Children can bring their own drawing, puppet, handmade flower.
We will play music that connects us to the deceased (for example, songs we listened to together) or that the deceased liked.
We will give an opening keynote speech, prepared in advance from what you have to say about your loved one.
Then you will reminisce, both aloud and silently.
We can write messages to the deceased and burn them, or send them across the water in boats. We can release balloons with messages. We can bury the messages.
Maybe we want to give the deceased a personal gift: something to sing, recite, read...
At the end, we eat and drink together.
We exchange memories, stories, happy and sad, big and small, everyday.
And our loved one gradually passes into collective memory.
WHO TO INVITE TO THE MEMORIAL SERVICE?
Mexicans typically remember the deceased within the family, but also in public (school, kindergarten, work). We may invite friends, colleagues, neighbors in addition to family.
Think about it this way: if the deceased had a birthday, who would they invite to it?
Or if we had a party, who would we want to attend (and who wouldn't?)
Who needs to be invited (maybe they have some unresolved issues)?
Who can help us better manage the grieving process?
Who do we want to "introduce" to our deceased? (perhaps children who were too young when he died)
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
Why do a remembrance ceremony with Funeral Guides?
The ceremonies were invented by my colleague Petra, who experienced them personally in Mexico for many years. Click here to listen to a podcast with Petra about this ceremony and Mexico's Día de Muertos. We've had hundreds of funerals - farewell ceremonies - that are conducted in a similar vein. We have probably the most experience in this in the country.
We are qualified Bereavement Counsellors.
How much does a remembrance ceremony cost?
The price is somewhere between 5 - 30 thousand CZK.
The price depends a lot on what we will be doing at the ceremony and where the ceremony will be, and also how much time it will take to prepare.
But you can organize the ceremony without Funeral Guides, by yourself, and it will be completely free for you.