GOOD FUNERAL:
HOW TO ARRANGE A GOOD FUNERAL?
This page will help you plan a good funeral. It aims to explain simply and clearly what is possible and what is not. It aims to debunk myths. But it also aims to inspire.
The Good Funeral page also wants to show how we do funerals, how we think about them, what we don't like about current practice - and justify why. We don't have a patent on the best ceremony, but we want to point out that a good farewell is one that brings you joy, not trauma, even in your grief. We are open to all your ideas. The most beautiful farewells come from full cooperation with you.
The page is created gradually, from our real experiences. We are constantly adding to it with questions from the bereaved.
If you are interested in the topic, check out our articles, interviews, and podcasts.
How to prepare a funeral?
When should I start preparing for death?
It's never too early to think about death and funerals. When this question becomes really relevant for you, previous reflections will help you get through everything better. On the other hand, as a bereaved person, it will help you if you know what your loved ones want at their funeral. Information from them will make it easier for you to prepare for the final farewell, you will avoid thinking about what your loved one would actually say about this or that, and you will have more space for your own grief. That's why we tell everyone to talk to their loved ones about possible death and funerals. Death concerns everyone. If we deny death, we will not have a good funeral, a good farewell.
What to do when someone dies?
If the death occurs at home, you always need to call the emergency services. However, if you were expecting the death of your loved one (for example, because they were in hospice care at home or your ninety-year-old grandmother had been lying in bed for the last few months), tell them directly on the line - you will avoid a possible rapid ambulance ride or resuscitation attempts. In such a case, the emergency service will only send a coroner to you, who will examine the body of your deceased and issue a death certificate. Then you can call a funeral service, but if you want to say goodbye to the body of your loved one, you are not obliged to call the funeral service for transport of the body immediately. In the case of an expected death, it is not mandatory to submit the body to an autopsy - unless you want it yourself, ask the coroner not to send the body of your loved one to it (he is not obliged to, but sometimes it is his usual practice and sends everyone who dies outside the hospital for an autopsy).
What kind of coroner will come? In Prague, a doctor assigned by the ambulance service will come, and he doesn't even have to be a professional coroner. Therefore, if you are dealing with a death with us, call us as soon as possible. It happens to us that the doctor is not sure, for example, in filling out the documentation and the deceased is then transported unnecessarily. Outside of Prague, you can usually choose a state or private coroner, we can't say what is better, but private ones are usually faster: the company 1. KORONERSKÁ operates within the Hradec Králové Region, South Bohemia Region, Plzeň Region, Central Bohemia Region, Moravian-Silesian Region, Zlín Region and Ústí Region.
If the death is not expected, but sudden or even violent, be prepared that the police will also come in addition to the ambulance service. Unfortunately, this cannot be avoided, as well as any ordered autopsy. The police must inspect the place where the death occurred and investigate everything to rule out foul play.
How to arrange a funeral?
Contact the chosen funeral service.
You must arrange with the funeral service within 96 hours of the death. However, the funeral can be much later - there is no deadline.
How to choose a funeral service?
Browse the websites of individual funeral services. Do you resonate with what they write on them? Call the selected services. How are they talking to you? Are you just a number for them? Or, on the contrary, are they exaggerating with sympathy and don't sound trustworthy? Are they pressuring you to do this or that right away? Do they promise to do everything the cheapest? Do you like what they say? Or do you not like it, but you feel paralyzed and unable to say anything? Do you resonate with what they offer you? For example, if they tell you, "Mom will ride in a Mercedes in which we also transported a famous singer," someone may find it ridiculous, but for someone it is a big plus.
You can, of course, visit the funeral home in person. But remember, you're not obliged to sign any contract if you don't want to. If something doesn't feel right in the office, or the prices seem too high, you can always end the meeting and choose another company. You also don't have to agree to products from catalogs. If you want different flowers, different decorations, a different type of Coffin, a different venue for the ceremony, etc., don't let them convince you that you're asking for something impossible. A good funeral home will accommodate your wishes. It's about your loved one and your farewell.
It's important to mention: the choice of funeral home is always and only yours. No hospital, ambulance service, or coroner should tie you to any particular service. For example, if a funeral home worker arrives with the coroner to the family after a death, or if the hospital has already released the body to a funeral home that might then unfairly demand penalties for transport and the first days of cooling, which you didn't order. The first two days of cooling the deceased are covered by law by the health insurance company.
You must arrange with the funeral service within 96 hours of the death. However, the funeral can take place much later - there is no deadline.
What to do with the body of the deceased? Cremation or burial in a grave?
Your loved one, in the best case, told you whether they wanted cremation or burial in the ground – that is, placement in a grave or tomb.
If you choose cremation, the body of the deceased in the Coffin will be cremated, and the funeral home will then give you an urn with ashes. Upon request (and usually for a fee), you can be present at the cremation in person. The advantage of cremation is the lower price and easier handling of the urn. You don't have to decide immediately what to do with the urn: we recommend preparing the ceremony first.
You can still see the deceased before cremation without any problems: every funeral home is legally obliged to allow you to participate in the preparation of the deceased for free, or to leave you and your family alone with them for a while (then it's called a viewing, and that's usually not free).
You can then handle the urn in several ways – everything is described below in the section Where to put the ashes of the deceased.
If you choose burial in the ground, that is, placing the body in a Coffin in a grave or tomb, be aware that there is a charge for cooling the body of the deceased before burial, for each calendar day. The placement of the Coffin in the grave can take place immediately after the funeral ceremony, at a later date, or even purely without a ceremony, when only the family gathers at the gravesite and the cemetery staff place the Coffin in their presence (or the cemetery staff can do so even without the presence of the bereaved, if that is their wish). Gravesites are rented for a fixed number of years, so if someone from the bereaved does not pay the rent for the grave for another period after they expire, the site will be assigned to another tenant.
Don't rush. The funeral can easily take place in a month. Wait until you are ready to say goodbye. But also wait until, for example, your son is back in the Czech Republic from a study abroad program, a colleague is back from vacation, and your grandmother is back from the hospital.
Don't be fooled by the claim that the funeral must take place, for example, within a week. The only thing you have to do by law is arrange the funeral within 4 days, but you choose the date yourself. The exception, of course, is if your faith requires the earliest possible burial.
Where to put the ashes of the deceased?
Right from the start, we have one request: don't leave the ashes at home, for example on a shelf. At least not for long. We know from practice that it doesn't do any good. People can't detach themselves from their deceased, they talk to them, they treat them like another member of the household... But you need the exact opposite. You need to realize that the deceased is no longer, you need them to become a memory... And it will help you if you put them somewhere nicely - preferably in the form of a ceremony.
But where? There are many possibilities today for what to do with the ashes of the deceased. It is definitely no longer the case that ashes can only be stored in a cemetery! Yes, we can put the urn in a grave or in a family tomb. Or into a columbarium. We can get a new grave, or, if we already have a grave, we can comfortably put another deceased there - there is enough space in the grave. Or we can scatter it anonymously on a scattering meadow in the cemetery: the first such scattering in Prague in the cemetery in Malvazinky surprisingly took place only in 1961 - before that, nothing like that was allowed.
But you can choose a completely different place according to your own judgment. Where did the deceased like it? Where did he like to go? Where did he spend his free time? Where did he go on trips? Where did he rest? Or otherwise: where do you want to go to remember him? Try to think about it. But also think about the fact that each place has its limitations - we will say more about each specific place.
Whether you decide on a cemetery, forest, beach, or maybe an avenue, we have one more request: don't store the ashes "just like that". Do a ceremony. Even just a small, private one. Your deceased deserves it, but you mainly need it to say goodbye and move on.
You have believers in your family. How does the church view the scattering of ashes?
If you want to organize a final farewell in the church with an urn, it is certainly possible. The Catholic Church routinely performs such farewells. And often together with us. In practice, this means that at the beginning there will be a short church farewell ceremony, and then a more personal farewell will come in the performance of Funeral Guides. However, what you may encounter and what the Catholic Church does not like is scattering. Because when the last judgment comes and the dead are resurrected, they should be whole, and in a clearly marked place, so that the Lord can find them and resurrect them.
So if you have a strongly believing family, but you want to scatter the ashes, consider it and try to think about other ways, maybe just do it symbolically. For example, you can throw flower petals into the water together as part of the farewell. You can write messages to the deceased on paper boats and send them downstream... or you can scatter just a symbolic teaspoon of ashes... There are countless solutions for how to "give" the deceased to the water or the earth.
Storing the ashes of the deceased in nature
Are you looking for another way to dispose of the ashes of your loved one? Today, there are many alternative ways.
Even though placing ashes outside the cemetery was prohibited until 1988, today ashes are legally just a "thing" that we can do anything with (but you cannot, for example, inherit it or bequeath it to someone). But you must do everything with respect: we must not violate the dignity of the deceased.
Did your loved one like water? You can scatter the ashes, for example, into a river or sea. If you choose to scatter into the water, you will need the consent of the river basin. We at Funeral Guides can help you with that. It's not easy, but it can be done. In contrast, we do not need any permits for scattering into the sea.
A variant is also the scattering of ashes into nature. Choose a place that the deceased liked, where he liked to return. It can be, for example, a meadow or a hill. Or you can pour the ashes into the ground, for example, next to a tree that you plant in honor of the deceased. This is completely legal and quite common: however, you must have the consent of the landowner. Or you can do it in your own garden or meadow. You can also easily arrange it with the local avenue or the owner of the forest. A special tree planting ceremony is beautiful, symbolic, connects the bereaved and leaves a living memory.
It is worth adding that ash does not contain anything that would harm nature, it is only inorganic substances, mainly limestone. We will not find any bacteria in it either, because in the crematorium the body goes through a heat of around 1000 degrees Celsius. When you throw away a banana peel, a foreign fruit containing bacteria, in nature, you actually create greater ecological damage. In addition, the ashes will serve as a good fertilizer for the tree. (However, we must admit the fact that no one knows exactly how many heavy metals we accumulate in the body during our lifetime may be in the ashes. No one has measured such a fact yet and there are not many ways to do it).
Storing ashes in the cemetery
Have you decided to bury the ashes of your loved one in the cemetery? How to proceed?
If you choose a cemetery, you have several options.
You can store the urn with ashes in a grave or tomb. A columbarium is also an option - a good solution for everyone who knows that they cannot take care of the grave in the long term.
If you already have a rented grave, you can put another deceased in it - there is enough space in the grave. You can put the urn in the grave yourself, or just with a stonemason who will help you with the marble slab. You don't have to ask the cemetery. The cemetery administration usually offers assistance with storage on working days and in the morning, which we do not consider an ideal time for farewell. In our opinion, a weekend is much better, or at least an afternoon or evening, when you will have enough time and space. It is also good if the storage is accompanied by at least a small ceremony, while the cemetery workers understandably do not want to stand aside and wait for the ceremony to take place, so that they can only slide in the marble slab at the end.
However, we must comply with the rules of the cemetery for storage. Some cemeteries do not allow storage in winter. We ourselves don't know why, simply winter mode. If you want to store the urn in winter, try to contact us, we will try to arrange permission - but we promise nothing. After storage, you must also report to the cemetery administration who and where you have stored. But please: do not bury pets in graves. We understand that they were also members of the family, but our legislation does not allow it and it is not a long-term tradition. Nevertheless, we sometimes hear: "When you dig, be careful - Micinka is lying on the top left..."
What will happen at the funeral?
What will be at the funeral ceremony - a Coffin, an urn, or just a photo of the deceased?
If you choose to have the body of the deceased cremated and then hold the funeral ceremony only with the urn containing the ashes, you gain the advantage that there is no rush. The date of such a farewell will wait as long as needed. Farewell with an urn is now accepted and offered even by the Catholic Church in the church.
You will always receive the ashes in a simple, properly sealed urn made of hard plastic. If you know in advance that you will be scattering the ashes or part of them, you can tell the funeral home in advance - they will not close the urn so tightly, and it will not be necessary to get into it with a knife or auger. In better funeral homes, you will receive the urn in a textile cover (sometimes free, sometimes for an extra charge), in worse ones in a plastic bag. For the purposes of the ceremony and display at home or in a columbarium, people often order decorative urn covers - ceramic, glass, wooden, metal, plastic, stone, ecological made of paper, etc.
If you choose to have a Coffin with the body of the deceased present at the funeral, you have more options - leave the Coffin open all the time, leave it closed all the time, or allow a peek into the open Coffin before the official start of the ceremony. We recommend hurrying more for ceremonies with a Coffin, because every day of cooling the body of the deceased is paid for. After the ceremony, the Coffin goes either to the crematorium for cremation or to be placed in the grave. You choose the exact model of the Coffin from the list at the funeral home (such Coffins are usually available immediately), or there are companies that will make a Coffin exactly according to your wishes (but expect production to take several weeks).
The advantage of burial in the ground is that it allows you to be in contact with the real body and you realize much better that your loved one is no longer here - and will not be. Burial in the ground also leaves a significantly lower ecological footprint, because the body does not go through cremation. You can find details about our ecological funerals on the Ecological Funeral page.
It is not uncommon to organize a farewell without an urn or Coffin, perhaps only with a photo of the deceased or with a funeral wreath. The most important thing is that all the bereaved can come together and reminisce.
If a Coffin, should it be open or not?
Opening the lid of the Coffin before the ceremony is called "identification of the deceased" and is performed only at the request of the bereaved (no one should force you to do it if you have not expressed interest in anything like that yourself). The bereaved sometimes request identification to be sure that they are really saying goodbye to their loved one, but especially so that they can see the face of their loved one one last time. In addition, the ceremony can be performed with the Coffin open all the time.
You may be asked about your identification request at the funeral home when arranging the ceremony. Whether you answer yes or no here, no one should prevent you from seeing the deceased before the ceremony if you decide to do so at the last minute. Likewise, you have the right to change your mind if you find that you don't have the necessary strength in the ceremony hall – there is definitely nothing wrong with that.
Because the body looks different than when it was alive. The skin has a different color, there is no spark in the eyes, the face loses its familiar expressions, the body is stiff and cold, it looks a bit like wax. Sometimes the deceased's eyelids cannot be closed, sometimes even the mouth. Although this is a natural process, not everyone can process the experience of looking at their loved one in this way. Seeing a loved one from one second to the next like this, without warning and without watching what all happens to the body from the moment of death to the funeral, can be very traumatizing. At the time of dying in hospitals, we are not usually used to such a picture. In the end, however, it is up to you whether you evaluate identification as a suitable way to accept the fact that the person is no longer alive, or whether you refrain from identification for fear that you will only remember his posthumous appearance most strongly. No choice is bad, although it is wise to think about it. Neither can be taken back – seeing a face that can no longer be "unseen" can be just as difficult for some as regretting not having the courage to do so.
How to choose a place where the funeral will take place.
The atmosphere of the funeral and possibly its connection to the life of the deceased will be greatly influenced by the chosen place for the ceremony. It should be pleasant, personal. Accessible even for older bereaved. It helps if there are two separate spaces, toilets are useful. If you want to stay inside, it can be a historic villa with a terrace and garden, a church or chapel, a lounge (in a theater, gallery, restaurant or hotel), a gallery or museum, a funeral hall, a community center, a library, a loft or rooftop, a cafe, bar or club, a botanical garden, a planetarium or even a gymnasium or sports hall. See our page Places for the ceremony inside, where you will find more details. Outside, we recommend places by the water (island, confluence of rivers, weir), places in a park or on the edge of a forest, meadows and viewpoints. Gardens in villas (but also private gardens), garden gazebos, even spaces near the church or in the cemetery. It is most important that the place is personal - for you and for your loved one... If you don't know what to do with the place yourself, we have a detailed map of places in Prague and the Central Bohemia Region, and we are gradually mapping Brno, Ostrava, Pilsen and other cities where we also go with ceremonies.
The ceremony does not have to take place only in funeral halls and you certainly do not have to choose from the catalog of halls of the funeral service. You have the right to hold the ceremony in a place of your choice. Don't be afraid to ask and stand by your idea.
Think about the specific form of the funeral ceremony.
The ceremony should be dignified and help the bereaved, but at the same time be in accordance with what the deceased wished - and according to the law. It certainly doesn't have to be just sad, it can also serve as a celebration of life.
The ceremony helps the bereaved the most if they also get involved. It's like when we learn - we need to perceive the material with as many senses as possible: hear, see, read, write... The bereaved can reminisce by saying a few words or even a longer speech during the ceremony themselves. They can also reminisce quietly, for example, when they write messages that then go with the deceased into the Coffin. They can sing together. Or plant a tree. Light a candle for the deceased. They can prepare a collection of photos in advance, either printed or projected on a screen. Or collect stories from all acquaintances that they wrote about the deceased. At the funeral, not everyone has to just passively listen to the main speaker and then go home. Everything can be arranged and prepared differently.
To make the ceremony as personal as possible, you can also come up with a distinctive and personal funeral card, an unconventional Coffin, specific music loved by your loved one, specific flowers or flowers in a specific shade, colors, candles, a uniform stylization, a presentation of photos, a video, refreshments, a place for memories, directions, memorial items or a memorial website. All or some of this can help you experience the funeral for real, as much as possible in accordance with how the deceased lived. For a more detailed idea, you can take a look at the article How to make the last farewell as personal as possible? and its continuation A funeral doesn't have to be shrouded in just black.
Decide who will create and who will deliver the main eulogy.
Our practice is as follows: we will have an approximately hour-long online conversation with you (a personal meeting can also be arranged, but it is usually more comfortable for both parties to meet via the Internet), in which we will interview you about your loved one. It is also important for us to see when you smile when telling the story, what you repeat several times in a row, what you emphasize as really characteristic. This interview does not have to have a fixed structure - we can connect the resulting speech from the story. We devote ourselves to the preparation of the speech really carefully, it takes us several hours - and then we count on additional time spent on adjustments. But we feel that this is the right thing to do and we consider a great speech during the ceremony to be the central focus of the farewell.
We send each speech to you in advance for adjustments, comments, deletions, additions... In short, so that you are satisfied with the final version. And because we work with a shared document, changes can be made almost up to a few hours before the ceremony itself. We see our added value in this. Just like in the fact that we have a team of speakers who will deliver the speech for you - of course, stating that we are drawing from the stories of specific people and we ourselves did not know the person in question. During the ceremony, you will be able to focus more on your emotions and your experience of grief, not stressing about the fact that you may not be able to deliver the speech in front of people.
However, some people prefer to take on this "obligation" themselves and prove to themselves that they can do it. We fully support such applicants and do not necessarily insist on our speakers. In such a case, we can at least compile the speech, or, if desired, revise the one you wrote.
In the case of very traumatic deaths or in other exceptional situations, you can and we can feel that it is too early for a speech, that you would rather have another farewell in a few months, where something will only be heard. A nice ceremony can be done even without a central speech, if you come up with something else that will become the focus of the ceremony (for example, a memory table, lighting a candle, writing a message on a bulletin board, etc.). Or you don't necessarily have to feel that it is appropriate to mention funny stories from life, but we will come up with a speech that will be short, sensitive and leave room for a quiet farewell for each of the mourners.
What flowers or decorations will be at the funeral?
You certainly don't have to order funeral wreaths for the funeral - expensive and without further use after the ceremony. We rather recommend bouquets that you can take home to a vase after the ceremony or donate to a church, place on someone's grave, use as a decoration at work, etc. Flowers do not carry the stigma of a funeral - they can continue to bring joy regardless of where they were first purchased. If the bereaved take them home themselves, the flowers can also act as an imaginary metaphor for the transience of time and gradual departure. Even though it seems right to us, we understand on the other hand when the family does not want to admit this departure yet and embarks on the gradual path of mourning later - even without flowers.
Another option is to order only one large bouquet for the urn or on the Coffin, but not to deal with any more - either the bereaved bring them themselves and you don't have to take care of them as the funeral arranger, or the bereaved can be encouraged not to waste money unnecessarily on flowers, that one central decoration is enough.
If you care about it, you should know that flowers are one of the biggest environmental burdens at funerals, so we try not to throw them away at least. The bereaved can take them home (there is nothing strange about that) or decorate the grave. If they don't want them, we have arranged churches that are happy to use the flowers as decoration (except during Lent, when churches are not decorated). If our ceremony takes place in a church or chapel, the flowers are often used directly there. Alternatively, we can place the flowers in the cemetery - in most cemeteries there is a common grave, or a large cross... The last option is to decorate the monuments to the fallen, which are located in almost every village. Read much more details on our page about ecological funerals.
Instead of flowers or together with flowers, you can also decorate the space with various memorial items that capture the life of the deceased. A soccer ball, a favorite drink, a teddy bear, a hockey jersey, red shoes, a hat... You can also play with a photo wall, projecting photos from a data projector, etc. (we can help with all of that). You can also ask those who are preparing for the funeral for help with creating a memorial table, corner or wall. Surely someone from them will be able to bring something that characterizes the deceased for him.
Prepare a funeral card.
Don't be afraid to choose a personal funeral card that you like, that captures the deceased, and that he might even like. There certainly doesn't have to be a dove on the left and a cross on the right on the funeral card. You can find our funeral card templates on this page.
It should include where and when the farewell takes place, or more detailed information regarding its form. People like guidance and certainty, so the funeral card can also contain more detailed instructions regarding the ceremony: for example, a call for the bereaved not to bring flowers, not to wear black, or, on the contrary, to bring some story to share. It is also possible to recommend or at least outline the cause of death of your loved one, because the bereaved would still ask and it could be unpleasant for you and them.
As accompanying information to the funeral card, you can use, for example, information on where to park or an exact map. This will save you a lot of questions. But this information probably does not belong directly on the funeral card (it is enough to put the exact address there).
Invite the family, close ones, and friends of the deceased to the ceremony.
Nowadays, it is no longer necessary to rely on funeral cards sent by post. You can send an invitation to participate in the funeral ceremony by email, post it on social networks, you can quickly create your own website. You can also bring paper funeral cards, in addition to those you send by letter, to workplaces, to the bulletin board of the cemetery where the deceased will be buried, to the school, to the club he liked to go to, to his favorite cafe or pub. You can even hang funeral cards on lamps if your loved one was mostly known by dog walkers from the local streets. You can also send only an information SMS with an explanation of what happened and when it is possible to come and say goodbye together.
We at Funeral Guide can print and send funeral cards by post for you, send funeral cards by email and also send SMS to the bereaved. If the bereaved respond, we can continuously respond to any email questions and condolences from the bereaved.
