Klára Brázdová a Oleg: Je truchlení chaos? Nebo je to bloudění lesem? A je pohřeb dialog?
Klára Brázdová a Oleg Vojtíšek natáčí podcast na zatravněné střeše nad Prahou
Ohlušující ticho po smrti člověka.
A teď nemyslíme, když najednou doma zůstanete sami. Ale ticho, které přijde pokradmu: když po smrti blízkého dostáváte spousty zpráv, spousty pozornosti, otázek a lásky... a pak to najednou.. vyšumí.
Najednou se okolí rozhodlo, že je na čase jít dál. Ale vy tam ještě nejste.
Klára Brázdová se jako psychoterapeutka věnuje často pozůstalým a naše i její práce toho mají spoustu společného!
My jako pohřební služba často zvažujeme, kolik toho máme dělat za klienty: z pozice služby chceme dodat maximum. Jenomže truchlení je velmi specifická věc. Je potřeba lidi směrovat, aby se do truchlení pustili sami - třeba i přípravou pohřbu. A podobné je to i v terapii.
Klára říká, že se jí líbí, že my s pozůstalými vedeme dialog. Dialog o tom, co a jak chtějí. Co je vůbec možné. Dialog o zesnulém, co by si přál, co si přejí oni. O tom se s nimi lidé často bojí mluvit. Truchlící lidé jsou plně kompetentní a neměli bychom se k nim chovat jako k dětem.
Proč není dobré řídit se “odbornými” stádii truchlení?
V čem jsou si podobné truchlení a bloudění lesem?
A proč je fajn po pohřbu odjet do Nepálu?
Oleg se v našem podcastu bavil o truchlení s psychoterapeutkou Klárou Brázdovou a pokud se vás to týká, tak si to určitě budete chtít poslechnout!
Barbora Steinlauf: Máte nárok na klidnou smrt?
“Já už nechci žít, nech mě umřít…” Řekl vám tohle někdy umírající? Má nárok na to v poklidu zemřít? Dokážete na to odpovědět?
Barbora Steinlauf a Oleg Vojtíšek natáčí podcast v soumraku nad Prahou
Nejspíše ne. A mnozí lékaři nejspíše také ne.
Právní systém zdravotnictví v oblasti umírání velmi zaostává: dlouhou dobu byl budován tak, aby chránil lékaře a podpořil je v případě, že se dopustí nezakonného jednání. Barbora Steinlauf jako zdravotnická advokátka jde ale opačným směrem – chrání práva umírajících a snaží se šířt osvětu o tom, na co má člověk během umírání nárok.
Pokud nedokážete odpovědět na tyto otázky, určitě byste si měli pustit podcast, který natočil náš Oleg s Barborou Steinlauf:
Jak postupovat, když mi někdo umírá v nemocnici, a mám pocit, že se k němu nechovají dobře? A co když pojmu podezření, že zemřel chybou nemocnice?
Stačí jako informovaný souhlas skutečně jen podepsaný papír?
Když odmítnete lékařskou péči, přicházíte tím zároveň o paliativní péči?
A vůbec.. jak je na tom eutanázie (usmrcení na žádost) v kontextu českého práva?
A tím ještě nekončíme: Barbora zároveň nově spustila projekt O závěru života. Dejte své rodině vědět, jak chcete umřít, když už sami nebudete moct rozhodovat. Nebo se tam podívejte, jak o tom rozhovor s umírajícím vůbec vést.
“Philosophizing is practice for death,” says Plato's Socrates through the words of Czech philosopher Tereza Matějčková.
We've also (modestly) philosophized and practiced death in a new podcast. During Christmas, we often struggle with loneliness: according to some philosophers, however, loneliness is a luxury of modern times. Why?
Because it's a chance not to live according to others. To act authentically for yourself, regardless of the wishes of family or society. To “follow your own truth.”
But beware, don't confuse it with being alone: that, on the other hand, is the result of breaking free from family ties. After all, Georg Simmel said: only modern man begins to die – precisely because he realizes his individuality and finiteness. He does not see himself as a mere continuation of the family.
According to Hegel, it may ultimately be the funeral that brings us back to the community. And if we don't do it, we harm ourselves: we disrupt our own community and our own inclusion.
And last but not least: philosophy has always been interested in the fact that man does not merely “fail” like other animals, but somehow takes care of that failure. We often say that we are fighting something – people or diseases. But we go even further. We learn from it, we correct past mistakes. We hurt ourselves, but at the same time we forgive ourselves and enrich ourselves.
We grow from conflicts, and family conflicts are something that “creates us together” and connects everyone. And it's more visible at Christmas than ever.
Therefore, if you want to gather yourself, calm down, reflect and escape from the scatteredness of today's world during these Christmas holidays, Tereza Matějčková recommends philosophy. And you can start with our podcast with Tereza!
Search on our Spotify:
DVTV: A funeral should start sadly and end happily. Oleg Vojtíšek in an interview with Daniela Drtinová
Czechs have repressed death.
When we go through various media, we keep getting similar questions from moderators:
Is the majority of deaths really without a ceremony? (A large percentage yes)
What does a traditional Czech funeral look like? (It doesn't exist)
How does it work with funeral services? (Better somewhere, worse somewhere else)
What can you do with ashes? (Actually anything, but with respect and consent)
Everything shows that the topic of death is taboo in the Czech Republic, there are many myths circulating about it, and in reality most people have no idea what happens after a dead body appears.
That's why we're always happy to see Ms. Drtinová on DVTV really digging into reality, debating ethics in the funeral industry, and helping us uncover the great mystery surrounding death and funerals.
"No one's afraid of getting pregnant from talking about sex, but when they start talking about death, everyone's afraid they'll bring it on themselves," said our Oleg.
So, if you don't want everything to run on autopilot after the death of your loved one, start preparing now. Maybe by listening to us on DVTV.
Close Encounters: Tereza Kostková and Oleg Vojtíšek, Czech Radio: We've Isolated Young People from Death
😱"Is it really true that most deaths in our country go without a funeral?!" Tereza Kostková wondered in Close Encounters on Czech Radio Dvojka, where our Oleg was a guest.
We see people who still burst into tears twenty years after the death of a loved one.🥀 Without a funeral, you won't find closure, and it will torment you your whole life, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected.
The reasons vary: from traumatizing experiences at the crematorium to financial concerns. And sometimes it's also because of a well-intentioned idea that leads to hell – to avoid traumatizing children 👶 We've raised a whole generation of people who have completely suppressed death. And when it hits them, it's all the worse and deeper. 🔪
So, how do you do funerals honestly?
🏡In a beautiful place that uplifts you.
👨👨👦👦On a day that suits everyone who should and wants to be at the funeral.
💌In a way that helps you relieve guilt or say what would otherwise keep coming back to you.
Burning messages or sending messages on balloons or boats isn't esoteric at all. On the contrary, it's a very tangible and easily understandable way to put a final period on the relationship with the deceased, and then watch it leave us – because that's the reality. ⚫
👂If you want to explore the topic of Czech funerals in a similar way to how Tereza Kostková explored it, listen to us on Close Encounters on Czech Radio.
A beautiful funeral? Yes, it's possible. Oleg Vojtíšek for Marianne magazine.
To borrow the words of Oleg Vojtíšek, their organization's effort is to change something that was perceived as depressing, bad, and terrible into something beautiful that helps and reconciles.
"Fortunately, today you can organize a funeral ceremony according to your wishes," says Oleg Vojtíšek, founder of Funeral Guides, in an interview for Marianne magazine. Those who have done it this way agree that it was a beautiful experience.
"A funeral that is personal helps," confirms my assumption Oleg Vojtíšek, founder of Funeral Guides, an association that helps bereaved families organize a more personal farewell to their deceased.
"It should take place in a place that is connected to the person, where they liked it or where we want to go to remember them. For example, by the river, in the park, in the villa.
With people who loved him and they loved him, or maybe they didn't, but they want to reconcile," he continues.
"What makes me happiest is that people come up with their own ideas about where the ceremony will be and what will happen there. They call us with a specific idea, and we just help them refine it and make it happen. The result is truly their ceremony, personal, reflecting how the deceased lived and how they lived with them," she optimistically notes.
How did Tereza prepare for the death of her five-year-old Kryštofek? And how did she prepare him?
Kryštofek had a clear diagnosis: DIPG. A brain tumor. In the stem. 100% mortality.
We thought about the story of Tereza and her son Kryštofek for a very long time because it left us with deep feelings of admiration and emotion. When Oleg first heard about him from Tereza over a cup of coffee, he said that such a story needed to be shared.
Because it's a story about a very brave little boy and two parents who went through hell together but came out on the other side. Kryštofek was only four when half of his body became paralyzed. Then came the diagnosis, radiation, a brief improvement, and a rapid decline.
His mother Tereza and father Dan stood by his side the whole time, holding his little hand until the very last moment, before he left in a black Hyundai van – which, as Dan joked in that tense moment, he would never have gotten into on his own because he didn't like that brand. What else could they do after tearful nights but find a bit of humor?
A story like theirs can help. Both Tereza, and you, who are going through a similar situation. Or someone around you. Or just to make you think about whether that argument with your husband about the unwashed dishes was really that terrible.
Can a relationship be 'fixed' by the death of a child?
How to talk to a child about their own death?
And does a ban on crying help?
With powerful stories like this, it's hard to advise what to do and not to do. And we don't really want to. We feel that we are only intermediaries through whom Tereza can share everything she went through, and yet she managed it, so that it might reach those who need to hear it.
We were truly honored that Tereza accepted the invitation to our podcast and talked about all these things. Straightforward, without sugarcoating. And you can listen to it on our Spotify.
What does All Souls' Day mean to us today? Benedikt Mohelník and Oleg Vojtíšek, Czech Radio, Vertikála
"From a believer's point of view, we are debtors to our ancestors; we are here thanks to them. We live on debt from what we receive from previous generations. Saying goodbye to that person is the minimum repayment of that debt, and at the same time, we create value for the future for those who come after us and will live on our debt," said Benedikt Mohelník, director of the Dominikánská 8 platform and editor-in-chief of the revue for theology and spiritual life, Salve.
Our Oleg Vojtíšek debated with him on the Vertikála program on Czech Radio.
And they discovered an interesting thing: religious rituals and our alternative ceremonies can go hand in hand. Because art is not about destroying traditions, but updating them.
Take All Souls' Day, for example. Typically, it is celebrated in the cemetery by laying flowers in a close family circle. But you can also invite friends and colleagues, perhaps on the anniversary of the death, so you don't have to be alone. After all, tradition dictates that we remember the deceased: not that it has to be on that particular day in that particular place.
In order for traditions to serve us, it is good to adapt them to our needs in the modern world. And neither we nor modern representatives of the church are against that.
How does Halloween help our children?
Why is it necessary to hold a funeral?
And last but not least: did they cut out Oleg when he completely forgot what he actually wanted to say?
Find out in the new Vertikála.
How to talk about death and why are we afraid of it? Adriana and Oleg for iGlanc.
"Grandma went to heaven."☁️
How many times have you used 'heaven' when your child asked you where grandma disappeared to?
We think we're making it easier for the child, that they're still too young to understand the complexities of death. And mainly, so they don't fear that death will strike someone else.😱
But we don't think about the fact that around the age of ten, a child will inevitably become aware of death on their own; we're programmed that way. By planting false ideas in their head, we're only making it harder for them to understand death.
What's the right and wrong way to do it? We asked our colleague about her own experiences:
🐶 When the family dog died, her parents were silent about it for three days. When she started asking about him, they said he had simply left.
💔 She remembers very well the moment she realized death existed: she must have been around nine, she was in her children's room, getting ready to sleep. And suddenly it occurred to her that her parents would die one day, just like it happens in the action movies on TV that her parents fall asleep to in the evenings. She spent the rest of the night crying. She never confided in her parents about it.
❤️ A few years later, however, she experienced the death of her beloved guinea pig the way it should be. She took care of him when he was sick and fed him with a syringe when he could no longer eat. After his last breath, she and her dad held a small ceremony. She buried him in his favorite little house.
Children, even the smallest ones, are smarter than we think.👶 If we can't talk about death ourselves, we're just building a barrier – and children will keep the questions that bother them to themselves, until death becomes just a concept that they completely suppress. 💨
🙌 To give children a healthy relationship with death, we need to start with ourselves. Oleg and Adriana talk about how to talk about death with children and how to accept it ourselves in a new article. 🙌
We transformed the Mexican Día de Muertos into a Czech Remembrance Ceremony - with Petra Ponocna
💀 Did you know that in Mexico, they celebrate death on Día de Muertos?💀
Is it a fascination with death, where we constantly remember old wounds every year?
❌ Not at all. On the contrary: here, we aren't even able to properly talk about the death of a friend after a year. We tuck photos into albums, lock away memories, throw out clothes. And heaven forbid their spirits ever come to haunt us.
In Mexico, on the other hand, they prepare an altar for the deceased. They bring their favorite things and treats to their grave. They lure them back with sugar skulls to celebrate with them, to see that they haven't been forgotten.
We've been talking for a long time about how life should return to cemeteries. 🪅 And in Mexico, they know how to do it very well! 🪅
🧁 They decorate graves with colorful flowers.
🧁 During the Day of the Dead celebrations, there are taco stands in the cemeteries.
🧁 Mariachis play.
🧁 And families spend the night there.
Let's compare it to Czech All Souls' Day 🥀 – can you imagine not just laying a flower on the grave this year, but instead cooking the deceased's favorite meal and going to the cemetery to chat with them? Playing music and dancing? Reminiscing with others who come there? Probably not. But you can, for example, gather the family and remember the deceased together. Whether it's for All Souls' Day or not – and whether with our help or on your own. Get inspired by us here: https://www.pohrebnipruvodci.cz/obrad-vzpominani
Here, we see grief as an illness that needs to be treated and has a clearly defined end. In Mexico, no one expects grief to end with the funeral and for everything to go back to normal. Instead, they naturally return to it every year, as it should be in life.
We also like to think that we invented self-help groups here – for example, for victims of car accidents.
But in Mexico, they have nationally designated days for various specific deaths, so people can share their experiences with others who have had the same fate.
🇲🇽 There's so much to say about Mexico! We were just talking about it in a podcast with our colleague Petra Ponocná. If you're interested, you can find us on Spotify. 🇲🇽
Care for parents after the death of a child: Alena Peremská
This podcast with Alena Peremská starts with what has changed in the last 10 years. And fortunately, everything has changed. It used to be normal not to talk about the topic of infant death; it was taboo. Children weren't shown to parents, weren't named, and weren't buried. You were supposed to quickly forget "it."
So, what's the right way to do it? Let's take it one step at a time.
How to deliver bad news in the hospital? Isn't it better to stay silent? Because if I don't say anything, I can't mess anything up.
No. If you don't know how, approach it personally, humanly, and authentically. It's not wrong to cry; in fact, crying might be the greatest thing you can give to that family.
How to preserve or even create a memory of the child?
Take a photo together (seriously, we have the best experiences with it). Ask for a memory box. Make footprints in it, give the baby a stuffed animal... We know from experience that it doesn't traumatize the family.
How to say goodbye?
First, in the hospital: The hospital should allow you to say goodbye to the body in private. You can dress the baby, take care of them... but you can also do it later at the funeral home.
And then have a funeral, a ceremony. Let the child go, say goodbye. It greatly helps our psyche, as well as the child's soul. And if it helps us, we can even baptize the child - we don't think it's important whether the baptism is valid, but if it helps us, God understands.
What should you do with the baby? Where should you lay them to rest?
Parents often choose cremation and then keep the urn at home, so the baby is always with them. That's okay (we just recommend not keeping it in the bedroom). However, after a while, it's good to put the urn somewhere else, in a final resting place. You can do a "secondary funeral" - place the baby's ashes in a cemetery, in the garden, scatter them in a meadow, or into the sea.
The podcast ends on a very personal – even moving – note, so it's really worth listening to until the end.
TN.CZ / NOVA: Interview with Oleg Vojtíšek about the role of Funeral Guides
🖤 What is a funeral actually for? Oleg Vojtíšek talked about it on TN.CZ.
1️⃣ First, you need to realize that the deceased is no longer here, that this is the real end of their earthly journey. A funeral in a ceremonial hall or crematorium is the only thing that will fulfill this for us. But nothing else.
2️⃣ A good funeral will help you say what you didn't manage to, couldn't say.
3️⃣ To come to terms with - death, the deceased, relatives, but also with yourself.
4️⃣ Try to achieve forgiveness - if I owe something to my father who died, then return it to the widow or son, for example.
5️⃣ Involve the community in mourning - such as colleagues or neighbors.
6️⃣ And celebrate the life of your loved one - we've already noticed that they died, but now we should celebrate how they lived and how we lived with them.
A good funeral helps you say goodbye, come to terms, take a breath, and move on. Because mourning only begins with the funeral.
Zdenka Volavá, Director of Dlouhá cesta: What changes in a partnership after the death of a child?
Zdenka is a mother who lost her 21-year-old son. And since 2022, she has also been the chairwoman of the Dlouhá cesta association. Dlouhá cesta supports families in which a child has died - at any age and for any reason. In this podcast, we introduce Dlouhá cesta. But we will also focus on the difficult topic of changes in a partnership after the death of a child.
"If someone had played this for me ten years before or five years before, I would have said: that's not me at all, I would never behave like that, I have never behaved like that. But after that loss, I behaved like that and I didn't even recognize myself. So I feel that maybe my husband had to get used to my new self much more than I had to get used to his."
Artificial intelligence brings the dead back to life. Funeral guide warns why to let the deceased sleep
Companies today promise us that they can recreate our deceased mother, daughter, brother, father, grandmother. In other words, they will create a digital avatar with whom you will write, talk, see each other on video, and in virtual reality you can even meet. The death of a loved one affects us like few other things. We miss their presence, we want to talk one last time, see each other one last time, comfort each other, say what we didn't manage to, or correct old wrongs to ease our conscience that everything is okay between us and the deceased.
Funeral guides call it a digital ghost. Just fill in personal data, upload photos, videos or voice recordings, answer a few questions, share profiles from social networks and pay a few dollars. And look, after a few clicks, the loved one "comes back to life" and is there for us again. Is it science fiction, a dream, reality? A real innovation would be if we stopped being so afraid of death and were able to say goodbye to our loved ones in peace and understanding. But no, we also want to physically involve technology in it. Funeral guide Oleg Vojtíšek warns mourners against this, he sees it in his practice every day, digital ghosts do more harm than good.
Kateřina Svobodová is a guide to Prague cemeteries.
Kateřina studied art history, and cemeteries are full of art.
Art in its original location, in a natural space, not in a gallery according to a curatorial intention.
In a beautiful space, in nature, in silence, in harmony with nature and the city around.
But today, funeral sculptures are almost never made. What to do to bring them back?
And can preparing a statue for a grave help process the death of a loved one?
After all, we had several clients who made the Coffin themselves, and it helped them.
We made urns from LEGO with the children.
And while we're on the subject of children, we see it as a big problem that they have never been to a funeral, nor have they seen anyone dead - and that's where the whole societal repression of death begins.
So, what if we helped them get acquainted with death by taking them to the cemetery?
For example, in history class: Let them see Božena Němcová and Neruda and Čapek and Dvořák with Smetana at the Vyšehrad Cemetery. And everything else with them.
It sounds natural and even cheap.
So, while recording the podcast, we came up with the project "Children in the Cemetery."
Anyway, come for a tour of the cemetery with Kateřina, you can find the dates in her Facebook group "For all Taphophiles", or on the Hrbitovy.cz website.
Death isn't the opposite of life, it's a part of it, says funeral guide Oleg Vojtíšek on Czech Radio Plzeň.
The Funeral Guides association often organizes funerals in nature, but also in a villa or lounge. "Planting trees is already a great tradition. A tree is a beautiful living memory, it gives us shade and moisture, we have to take care of it a little, and as it grows, we come to terms with the loss. Or we have clients write down on paper what they didn't get to say to the deceased, we fold the papers into boats and let them go down the river. Messages can also be written on balloons, which we release. Our specialty, for example, is that in a balloon we can release the ashes of the deceased into the stratosphere," described Oleg Vojtíšek.
An ecological funeral only in a shroud: is it possible, or not? A debate in Ekonews.
Oleg Vojtíšek, the founder of the Funeral Guides company, is convinced that burial in the ground is legally possible in the Czech Republic even without a coffin.
According to him, the solution is to dig a shallow underground wooden tomb instead of a grave, reinforce it with planks and close it with a solid board made of hardwood. Then place the body wrapped in a scarf made of natural materials in it.
According to the ministry, nothing prevents a funeral without a coffin.
This department has had a working group for two years that deals with so-called green funerals. Recently, the ministry also presented the results of its work to regional hygiene stations. The law does not see any legal obstacle to placing bodies without a coffin.
According to Jiří Královec, spokesman for Cemeteries and Funeral Services of the City of Prague, the Louky vzpomínek (Meadows of Memories) cemetery regulations are currently being created and there is a lively discussion about them. "No responsible cemetery administrator will rush into this (options without a coffin, editor's note) a priori. A stamp from the Ministry of Regional Development will not be enough, many partial powers in the funeral industry are held by other authorities, and one of them is the hygiene station," says Královec.
According to him, the result of the negotiations will most likely be that burials in wooden coffins will begin in the meadow.